Anxiety!

I don't like anxiety.  It usually happens for things I logically and intellectually know are no big deal but  it still creeps in when I am not looking.  Yesterday I had my annual exam with my allergist.  Well not exactly MY allergist since mine was deployed (military Dr.)  but a NEW allergist.  Because I had not met this allergist my blood pressure began to rise.  I logically knew that he/she wasn't going to do anything painful.  Oddly just the thought of having to share my medical story with a new person was enough to set me off.

I had my two allergy shots before the appointment.  The young men who give me the shots took my pulse and BP.  I told them I was anxious and thought my bp would probably be higher than normal.  I could feel it!!  So the three of them all in military uniform I might add, stood in a semi-circle in front of me waiting for the machine to finish checking my bp.  I don't think having them stare at me helped lower it any!

It was elevated, not dangerously but it was 135/97.  It is normally lower than that for sure.  All because I was going to see a new Dr.  I did what I could to try and calm myself and I got through it.  I also probably should mention that when I get like that I talk and talk and crack jokes.... It is embarrassing to be sure because it is like my brain has been taken over.  I guess it could be worse, I could get mean, grumpy or weepy to those I encounter.  As it is I think I am a bit of humorous crazy for a little bit.

Being a mom to bigger kids

Being a mom to three mostly grown children is hard work.  I don't think I ever thought of it as being so hard!  I guess I figured that when they graduated from high school they some how magically didn't really need me much.  My daughter is a senior in college.  She is taking 18 credits and is very busy and stressed.  She calls me to de-stress her.  To help her think about something besides her classes, to make her think about more than just today.  My second child is also in college.  He is unsure of where he is going in life.  He doesn't want to need me.  Yet he does.  With one I answer the phone and chat, the other I get on the phone and try to connect. 

My son still at home is the quiet one of the bunch.  He I have to find ways to be in the room with him.  Sit in the same room and make small comments to him and discuss small comments he makes.  With him there are few long conversations.  I learn more about computers/computer networking/modems... than any 47 yr old lady needs to know. 

I keep track of appointments and trust me it isn't easy.  The older two don't live here and I don't make the appointments.  One is so stressed she forgets and the other just isn't in a mental place to even care to remember.  I try to keep track of the cars, the maintenance, the inspection, the oil change, tires....  Class schedules, Spring break, Fall break, how long is Winter break.  Have they registered for classes?  Has my daughter figured out what she needs to do for graduation, class wise and also the actual event?  Have they sent thank you notes for Christmas gifts?  Are they eating properly. 

I do realize that this over mothering thing is my issue and not theirs.  I am working on it.  I would like to know how to turn it off?  Ok, not turn it off but at least tone it down!

Don't ya just hate it when

Don't ya just hate it when you are thinking about something and it is soooo important.  You have to remember to tell someone something or do something.  It is first thing on your mind and you are so happy you remembered it.  AND THENnnnnnn you quickly forget it.  Something distracts you and it flies out of your head.  You remember it was important and that you really wanted to take action on it.  But it is just GONE!  Where do those things go?  Someplace along with the missing socks, scissors, roll of stamps or maybe the tweezers?