I know I am under a great deal of stress. I am mentally aware of this fact. I am dealing with two teen boys myself, a daughter in college, three cars to maintain, a house, a yard, had knee surgery, need shoulder surgery, my grandmother died, the Taliban are shooting at my husband…. It is truly too much I get that but I have been dealing with it ok. I get grumpy sometimes but I have been ok.
You know there is an “until” coming right ha-ha! I was at a party the other night. I had a few glasses of wine but not excess. I was about to go and I just burst into tears. Literally just started to cry and could not stop. I was having a great time, was comfortable and it seems that was the time my brain went to tilt and I lost it. I don’t remember walking home even. I remember sobbing for hours in bed. I woke up just completely and utterly spent. No desire or need to cry since or before. All I have to say is it was very very embarrassing. I am sure people thought I was drunk or something but it just wasn’t that. Not the way you want to exit a fun party. I called to apologize. I didn’t really know what to say? “I am sorry I went bonkers last night”???
This same thing happened to me years ago. I was conducting a large round table meeting for military spouses about the return of their deployed husbands. The meeting was going well and again for some unknown reason I lost it and just starting uncontrollably crying.
Admitting this and writing about it is hard. I am not the type who falls apart. But I guess that is why I am writing about it. If it can happen to me it can happen to anyone. Just pick yourself up and move forward. Try to find ways to relieve the stress before it builds up to tilt . Try not to be embarrassed. I say that not able to do it myself. It just proves that you can want to be strong, act strong 99.999% of the time but the stress will always win if you don’t do something.
Now on to how to relieve stress….
Exercise: I am going to physical therapy twice a week for my knee and shoulder. I am also trying to ride on the recumbent bike a few times a week besides that.
Talk to friends: This one is good but hard for me. I have so much going on that when I call I feel like I am constantly unloading on them. Who wants to be the friend of the person whose life is a pile of stress?
Accomplish something: I do feel better when I accomplish something. Set a goal and achieve it. This has also been hard because of the knee surgery and my current shoulder pain. Hard to do much when everything you do causes pain.
Anyone else have any ideas? I would rather not burst into tears in public again ha-ha!
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2 comments:
I don't see this as being weak or failing at all. In fact just the opposite. Even the strongest people have a breaking point and you never know when that it will be. I think you and I are alot alike. We feel like we need to be strong and be in control, because if we are it makes things hurt less or seem less real. But know what? It is okay to crack. And I bet you the people there totally understood.
thanks Alexis
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