Ya think so?!

To set the stage you must know the characters. This stage is set with three main characters, my 16 year old son Jonathon, my 13 year old son Jeffrey and me, Dawn. I am having surgery Friday and Jeffrey who just finished antibiotics for strep didn’t seem totally well yet and Jonathon woke up with a cough that could wake the dead. I figured to be safe I should get both of them checked out so there were no surprises when I was drugged up on Percocet post surgery.

I took both boys for a strep throat swab at the local military health clinic. I normally try to schedule appointments so I can take them separate. I tell them it is so I can spend “special time” with each one. That is not totally the truth. Together they are both nuts and insane. What one doesn’t think of the other does and they encourage each other to carry it out. It is like walking around with a comedy routine that never ends. I had them all afternoon together. While not "bad" they make me look to the floor and put my hand to my forehead while everyone around me laughs and nods in understanding. They wake up the room and make people smile, both in sympathy for me and in just at the humor of youth.In the exam room:
The exam room is small it has the regular exam table, a computer and a hand washing area with drawers. On the wall are a few posters. One poster being of a giant uterus and vagina discussing menopause (this one was of great interest). Upon entering the room both boys instantly open drawers and cabinets checking out every medical thing in there. They check the rubber gloves, open the drawers and identify each item (we have gone through this since they were 2). Yes, they know what a speculum is and what it is used for. After the identification of the speculum and discussion of the menopause poster they each egg each other on about putting their feet up in the stirrups for an exam. A discussion from me then ensues about how a vagina should not be referred to as a “vag”!

Jeffrey my mechanical/electrical savant also pops off the cover on the computer, looking at what he could see inside which he states is “insanely dirty and dusty”. I secretly am glad he doesn't have a screwdriver because he would probably fix that problem if he had 10 more minutes of waiting. Jeffrey then discusses what kind of processor he thinks it has and how on earth it could get so dusty in a clinical setting! I ask him with the “look” and “mean mother voice” to please close the computer up before the nurse arrives!
Finally the Nurse Practitioner comes in the room (thank heavens I thought she would never arrive!). I have seen her at other appointments I have had in the past, she is good but very stiff. Middle aged of German descent in a white lab coat. Very stiff, doesn't work for my boys so they work on trying to get her to crack a smile. I asked her to verify that both their ears were clear and hearing wasn’t an issue for not listening. She verified that both were fine and that couldn’t be used as an excuse any longer.

After the whole process of the swabbing, chest listening and ear looking Jonathon has "questions". I beg him for no questions but the clinic medical staff, always say "no, we want to answer any questions he has". I give them the look of "you have no idea of what you are in for!". At the previous visit he asked “if you are on birth control pills do you still have to say the first day of your last period?” and “If you smoke marijuana is that considered taking an herbal supplement or is it considered smoking?”, he also told a nurse “I admire you for the wonderful job you do but I could never work with crying sick children!”. Basically, Jonathon will ask anything and give his opinion on it to.So this particular day Jonathon wants to know about donating bone marrow. He has a friend that has leukemia and he being the wonderful, kind, generous person he is wants to donate. The nurse practitioner doesn't know a thing about the age requirements for donating bone marrow. With that avenue of discussion closed Jonathon goes into questioning the rules on donating blood. He wants to know why I don’t donate blood. I tell him that when I was young, I was under the weight requirement and later I couldn't because I may have been exposed to Mad Cow disease in Germany in the 1980's. Jeffrey as usual had been sitting quietly listening, gathering information. Jeffrey then said in his ever so sweet voice "sooooo maybe you have mad cow mom?" I said "yes I could, maybe that would explain my flashes of insanity". Both the boys both nod in agreement now sure that they have finally discovered the reason for my erratic behavior. In the corner of the room, putting all the swabs in their respective test tubes the stiff nurse practitioner pipes up from her silence "Well, there may be some other factors in play in that". I just answered "ya think so!"