People wonder what it is like being a military wife: this was my beginning

I can't possibly write in a blog post what it is like to be a military wife for decades, that would take me a book at least. I can maybe give a little taste here, a feel maybe?

I have known my husband since 1981. Sometime in that year or early the next he accepted a 4 yr ROTC scholarship. So I have been playing this role for a long time. Of course in the beginning he told me he was commiting to 4 yrs.

Our first year of marriage he was gone for 9 months. He lived at Fort Benning, Georgia and I lived in LaCrosse, Wisconsin. I visited him once over Thanksgiving.  He went to the Officer Basic Course and then Ranger School.  His Mom and I drove down to Georgia together to see him graduate from Ranger School and bring him to Wisconsin for time off before we moved to our first duty station. We moved to Germany soon before our first anniversary.  We lived in a small German town in a Gasthaus.  Not a sole spoke English and I was way to shy and nervous to try any German.  I sat in that hotel room for weeks on end embroidering an entire tablecloth and the napkins to go with it.  I still have them.  I remember my birthday June 17, 1987.  My husband and I had made plans to go to dinner to celebrate.  I got all ready and waited.  It got later and later but he never showed up.  Eventually I got a call through the front desk of the hotel (no cell phones at this time).  Someone had put him on the schedule for all night duty and he would not be coming home.  I was crushed.  I was so lonely, homesick and wanted just this little bit of normal that I couldn't have.  I called an American wife I had met once who lived in the village and told her my plight.  I just couldn't spend my birthday alone, I just couldn't.  She graciously invited me over, while it was uncomfortable and weird.  It was much better than feeling sorry for myself. 

We eventually found a car a BMW 318i.  Our first car!  Only problem was it was manual and I had never driven manual in my life.  So even when we moved into our own apartment, it took months before I attempted to drive myself anywhere. I remember many many nights standing by the window watching for him to come home because I knew not a soul, didn't speak the language. No computers, phone was insanely expensive and I was lonely beyond words.

I eventually made friends. Substituted at the elementary school and we traveled. The traveling was amazing. The Spain trip on the bus being the only woman with all soldiers was a bit funny though. The "excuse me Maam" was really funny for my 23 yr old ears.  It was still the cold war, my husband was gone training for weeks upon weeks on end.  His unit had a spot on the border to monitor and train for invasion. What is funny is that in his head he was home most of the time.  I think that perception is because he just blocked out the time off training.  He would be gone for 45 day FTX's  (field training exercises).   Our first child was born on November 9, 1989 in Nuremburg, Germany. The day the Berlin wall fell. We left Germany the next Summer.

That was a tiny taste of the beginning.  During the time in Germany so much happened.  Looking back that alone could be a pretty interesting book.   You still didn't hear about the worry about losing your spouse.  The planning what you would do if the casualty assistance officers would come to your door.  How you try to explain to your children why their father is gone for long periods of time.  Or how much it would hurt when you had to reintroduce your child to their father.  Maybe the amount of independence you have to acquire so you can survive on your own and then how when your spouse returns you have balance that with making them feel needed in the family.  Really it is a label that is hard to define.  Love to all my fellow military wives past/present and future!