People wonder what it is like being a military wife: this was my beginning

I can't possibly write in a blog post what it is like to be a military wife for decades, that would take me a book at least. I can maybe give a little taste here, a feel maybe?

I have known my husband since 1981. Sometime in that year or early the next he accepted a 4 yr ROTC scholarship. So I have been playing this role for a long time. Of course in the beginning he told me he was commiting to 4 yrs.

Our first year of marriage he was gone for 9 months. He lived at Fort Benning, Georgia and I lived in LaCrosse, Wisconsin. I visited him once over Thanksgiving.  He went to the Officer Basic Course and then Ranger School.  His Mom and I drove down to Georgia together to see him graduate from Ranger School and bring him to Wisconsin for time off before we moved to our first duty station. We moved to Germany soon before our first anniversary.  We lived in a small German town in a Gasthaus.  Not a sole spoke English and I was way to shy and nervous to try any German.  I sat in that hotel room for weeks on end embroidering an entire tablecloth and the napkins to go with it.  I still have them.  I remember my birthday June 17, 1987.  My husband and I had made plans to go to dinner to celebrate.  I got all ready and waited.  It got later and later but he never showed up.  Eventually I got a call through the front desk of the hotel (no cell phones at this time).  Someone had put him on the schedule for all night duty and he would not be coming home.  I was crushed.  I was so lonely, homesick and wanted just this little bit of normal that I couldn't have.  I called an American wife I had met once who lived in the village and told her my plight.  I just couldn't spend my birthday alone, I just couldn't.  She graciously invited me over, while it was uncomfortable and weird.  It was much better than feeling sorry for myself. 

We eventually found a car a BMW 318i.  Our first car!  Only problem was it was manual and I had never driven manual in my life.  So even when we moved into our own apartment, it took months before I attempted to drive myself anywhere. I remember many many nights standing by the window watching for him to come home because I knew not a soul, didn't speak the language. No computers, phone was insanely expensive and I was lonely beyond words.

I eventually made friends. Substituted at the elementary school and we traveled. The traveling was amazing. The Spain trip on the bus being the only woman with all soldiers was a bit funny though. The "excuse me Maam" was really funny for my 23 yr old ears.  It was still the cold war, my husband was gone training for weeks upon weeks on end.  His unit had a spot on the border to monitor and train for invasion. What is funny is that in his head he was home most of the time.  I think that perception is because he just blocked out the time off training.  He would be gone for 45 day FTX's  (field training exercises).   Our first child was born on November 9, 1989 in Nuremburg, Germany. The day the Berlin wall fell. We left Germany the next Summer.

That was a tiny taste of the beginning.  During the time in Germany so much happened.  Looking back that alone could be a pretty interesting book.   You still didn't hear about the worry about losing your spouse.  The planning what you would do if the casualty assistance officers would come to your door.  How you try to explain to your children why their father is gone for long periods of time.  Or how much it would hurt when you had to reintroduce your child to their father.  Maybe the amount of independence you have to acquire so you can survive on your own and then how when your spouse returns you have balance that with making them feel needed in the family.  Really it is a label that is hard to define.  Love to all my fellow military wives past/present and future!

My son and music

I was just thinking about when my youngest was a tiny little boy, crawling on the floor crying for me to turn on some music.  We had a small stereo on the fireplace mantle and he would crawl under it and point with his tiny little finger.  It took me some time to figure out what he was trying to get me to do for him.  He couldn't walk so he was under one year old.  I would turn it on and his eyes would glaze over.  He loved being carried around cheek to cheek dancing to whatever music I had on at the time.  Funny how things progress over time.

His next phase was his classical music.  He begged for Mozart and the like to fill the air of his world.  Odd for a preschool school child to be so inclined.  During this time we also lived on a military base and I had to often go to military ceremonies.  The military band was always in position and I always sat as close to them as possible.  He would fall sound asleep in my arms at the first sounds of the tuba lol.  We went to a renaissance fare and he wandered off and was found sitting at the feet of a harpist just listening away like a little angel at her feet.  At an outdoor church event he was sitting at the feet of a bagpipe player.  He always just love listening to music.

Over time we bought him different things to play on, keyboards, electric drums, recorders, there were trumpets around here also. 


Moving from elementary school to middle school. He entered the classical jazz phase.  He loved it!  He would actively seek out classical jazz.  He knew the different types of jazz and determined that the one he liked the most was classical.  Starting in 5th grade he played the cello.  I can't tell you how cute he looked carrying that great big instrument around.  Reminded me of a turtle and his big ole shell on his back.  By middle school he had decided to chose a different instrument.  His older two siblings played trumpet in the high school marching band and he wanted to be ready to do that when his time came.  As funny as it seems our high school band doesn't have marching cellos ha ha.

During the weeks leading up to the decision on which instrument he tested and talked about a number of different instruments.  He sort of had his heart set on a saxophone. He requested it but the teacher said too many students had chosen it and he should choose something else.  he decided on the clarinet.  It came in a smaller easier to carry case which was helpful according to him.  He started playing the clarinet and hasn't looked back.

He then started high school and his musical taste changed to techno/electronic stuff I can't stand. I am sure out of adolescent rebelling against the man (aka his father and I). He started the marching band and played many times a week for months.  The marching band is one of the best in the state (maybe country but I am a bit prejudiced).   He was chosen as a freshman to play the base clarinet at the all county freshman band.  Freshman and Sophomore year he refused to try out for band placement so he was put in the lowest band at the school.  Junior year (current year) I insisted that he at least try out.  If for no other reason than to get practice going in front of people.  He made the highest band in the school.  He was also asked to play the contra alto clarinet.  There goes the small case easy to carry part of playing a clarinet!  He loves the low sound of the contra alto clarinet.  It reminds me of the brooms in the sorcerers apprentice.  He looked up the music for me and plays that for me on request. 

This year he also tried out for the all county band and made it.  He tried out for the all district band and he made that also.  There was some mix up with the judges so he didn't try out for all state but he was busy and couldn't have gone to that anyway so it was no real loss.  Listening to all the beautiful music he plays it just makes me think back to that little tiny boy pointing his finger to the fireplace mantle wanting to fill his world with music.