I am not a patient woman

I thought I had the patience of Job. I don't! Jim said he was going to come home for his mid-tour leave in either March or April. Now it is some time in April?? Maybe??? I don't know what to tell people because I don't know anything. In the past days I have gotten one email from him that said "No word yet...probably more like the middle of the month. Love, Jim" No kidding! That is it, I haven't edited it for public consumption that was it in it's entirety. His parents have purchased airline tickets so they can come and see him.

The worst thing is I have seen too many programs on TV where the military person shows up somewhere to surprise their spouse, children, mother, father etc. Somewhere in a very tiny place I hope he is on his way already and will just show up somewhere. That isn't the way he works but it is one of those irrational dreams.

So no, I am not patient. I wait impatiently, I worry endlessly and I dream.

I swear I am not crazy… I think…

I know I am under a great deal of stress. I am mentally aware of this fact. I am dealing with two teen boys myself, a daughter in college, three cars to maintain, a house, a yard, had knee surgery, need shoulder surgery, my grandmother died, the Taliban are shooting at my husband…. It is truly too much I get that but I have been dealing with it ok. I get grumpy sometimes but I have been ok.

You know there is an “until” coming right ha-ha! I was at a party the other night. I had a few glasses of wine but not excess. I was about to go and I just burst into tears. Literally just started to cry and could not stop. I was having a great time, was comfortable and it seems that was the time my brain went to tilt and I lost it. I don’t remember walking home even. I remember sobbing for hours in bed. I woke up just completely and utterly spent. No desire or need to cry since or before. All I have to say is it was very very embarrassing. I am sure people thought I was drunk or something but it just wasn’t that. Not the way you want to exit a fun party. I called to apologize. I didn’t really know what to say? “I am sorry I went bonkers last night”???

This same thing happened to me years ago. I was conducting a large round table meeting for military spouses about the return of their deployed husbands. The meeting was going well and again for some unknown reason I lost it and just starting uncontrollably crying.

Admitting this and writing about it is hard. I am not the type who falls apart. But I guess that is why I am writing about it. If it can happen to me it can happen to anyone. Just pick yourself up and move forward. Try to find ways to relieve the stress before it builds up to tilt . Try not to be embarrassed. I say that not able to do it myself. It just proves that you can want to be strong, act strong 99.999% of the time but the stress will always win if you don’t do something.

Now on to how to relieve stress….
Exercise: I am going to physical therapy twice a week for my knee and shoulder. I am also trying to ride on the recumbent bike a few times a week besides that.

Talk to friends: This one is good but hard for me. I have so much going on that when I call I feel like I am constantly unloading on them. Who wants to be the friend of the person whose life is a pile of stress?

Accomplish something: I do feel better when I accomplish something. Set a goal and achieve it. This has also been hard because of the knee surgery and my current shoulder pain. Hard to do much when everything you do causes pain.

Anyone else have any ideas? I would rather not burst into tears in public again ha-ha!

Why does the Poison Oak hate me so??

I go in the yard to do weeding
To prepare for the new plant seeding

I pull up the dead
Cleaning out the winter bed

Sitting on the ground
Digging around

I make a nice pile of debris
Go around the cute small tree

Everything looks delightful
No more the mess that is frightful

I go in the house and scrub
To get rid of any dirt I rub

Go to sleep at night
Wake up to a sight

It seems the poison oak has found me
Where you say? On my knee!

My knee is so red
The itch makes me out of my head

I should have known not to lie
On the ground though it was dry

I suffer from pain
It is such a drain

Why does the poison oak hate me so?
I don’t think I will ever know!