OK! It has been a few months

Well, it is July 8th, 2009. It has been awhile since I wrote. Hubby was home for his mid-tour leave. He slept for literally 5 days straight. Waking to eat only. I guess a week of travel after fighting a war for 6 months will do that to a man. After he awoke he did yard work. I know that probably sounds not very restful but he loves to be outside and in Afghanistan being outside isn't really the safest thing. He put down two truckloads of mulch. Made a new bed around some trees, planted more bushes etc.... He was tired in a good way, dirty from digging in the dirt and drank some nice beer and smoked meat in his smoker. Then he left. It was really hard to see him go. I knew he was going into the Summer there, the most dangerous time. It is dangerous because that is when the Taliban fight but also because of the intense heat. I just looked and the temperature for today is 110*. How can you drink enough to live in that amount of heat with so much clothes and protective gear on?? I just can't even imagine it. The Marines are in Helmud province fighting the Tali ban so they are scooting out of there to the North/East (which I don't like one bit because that is in Jim's direction) and also further to the West. I say burn the poppies, cut off the money they make. Pay the poor farmers for the loss of the crop and move on.

Sooo, life just kept moving on. In May I had surgery on my Right shoulder. It turned out to not be a torn rotator cuff but rather a chewed up rotator cuff, a bicep muscle that was entrapped (so they cut off part of my clavicle), bone spurs, arthritis, tendinitis and they took out my bursa for good measure. In case you are wondering, Yes! it hurt. The surgery seemed to go OK at least for me. I heard from my daughter that they evacuated the hospital for a drill or something. I stopped breathing was mentioned but brushed over since I assume they were able to get me breathing again quickly. The surgeon who didn't believe me that it needed surgery to begin with thought he was right when he started on the topside of my shoulder. That part looked wonderful. He called it "Happy Bunnies". He then went to the underside and found the "Evil Bunnies with fangs and black capes". I am not sure why he told me about the surgery in bunny terms but he did along with actual photos of the inside of my shoulder.

So since then I have been doing physical therapy. Three times a week..... It is good and bad. I really like the office I go to, the Pt's and exercise specialists are amazing and fun. I just wish it was all better already. It still hurts and I am sick of it. Just today they tried a new thing that I think actually helped. My main issue is I have had my trapezius and biceps in spasm literally for years and they don't know how to not do it. Sooo today I had it lasered and they put some tape stuff on. It feels like my trapezius is finally not in total spasm. It isn't like they haven't massaged it to an inch of it's life, electrical stimulation, ultrasound, heat, ice, stretching over and over...... I just hope this is the answer.

I am frustrated, can't you tell ha-ha? My shoulder is better in some ways than before. My bicep muscle was entrapped making part of my arm and last two fingers to go numb a dozen times a night waking me up. That was gone instantly after the surgery. My rotator cuff hurts less and I can definitely move it more without pain. Where they had to cut bones and dig around in there still hurts though. I think some of that is due to the muscles in spasm. (I keep mentioning botox but they laugh and say it would not have the results I would like)

Enough of the lament about the shoulder. I am glad I am done with the surgery. Now I must be patient with the recovery. I am not so good at that part.

I will try to be better at writing. I can sit and type for longer so it should be easier.
Pray for shade for those in the hot sun!

Need VS Need

Right now what I NEED to take a break. Like a week long vacation away from the house, alone in a hotel room getting massages every day. Need, I don't mean want, I mean need. I am under a ton of stress and there is no way to relieve it. I feel helpless, hopeless and just plain worn out. I have been having some weird occular migraines. Really pretty to look at but scary none the less. I need a break from parenting, I need a break from taking care of the house and the bills and buying the food and the animals..........

What I also need is to go to physical therapy to get ready for my shoulder surgery next month. I need to make sure the van gets a new windshield because it is broken badly. I need to pick my mother and father in law up at the airport. I need to get my son from school after his track practice. I need to be ready for seeing my husband after so many months. I need to .................

The need to do the second bunch will outweigh the first. I have to find a way to fit me in. I feel a bit like the pond in Spring with tiny cracks around the edges. If I am not careful there will be holes and no one needs that! The good news is the soldier is on his way. He should be here at home by tomorrow night. Maybe we both could just curl up in bed and sleep? That sounds really good!

God's lesson

Well my last post I stated that I wasn't a patient person. I guess God sees that as a challenge. I still don't have a date of when Jim will arrive. The most current guess of when he will leave Afghanistan is April 11th. The fighting has been intense from what I can gather. He gives out no information really. He did send me a link to an article about one. http://www.dvidshub.net/?script=news/news_show.php&id=32037

So I understand that travel is dangerous and that he is needed. I would be lying if I didn't say I need him to and that I just want him home. I was find for months and months with little contact but when the hope of him coming home was placed before me I took it. Now it just keeps getting moved and that is really really hard. We made plans for his original come home date and that has passed days ago. My mother had hoped to see him, she is already at home at at work. The boys have Spring break this week. We were going to do all sorts of things but they all included Jim. I feel sorry for the boys. Their break was anything but fun. We had hoped to spend Easter with him that won't happen either. His parents arrive on the 15th. If he gets out on the 11th and makes great connections he should get to see them.

We all sit here waiting and worrying. We understand that he isn't coming because it is too dangerous to travel. God is teaching me patience. I must be patient that when the perfect time for him to come arrives he will leave there and start his trek here. God is teaching me that I can make plans, lots of people can make plans but he is the one in charge and knows best.

Pray that Jim's travels are safe and soon!