Ya think so?!

To set the stage you must know the characters. This stage is set with three main characters, my 16 year old son Jonathon, my 13 year old son Jeffrey and me, Dawn. I am having surgery Friday and Jeffrey who just finished antibiotics for strep didn’t seem totally well yet and Jonathon woke up with a cough that could wake the dead. I figured to be safe I should get both of them checked out so there were no surprises when I was drugged up on Percocet post surgery.

I took both boys for a strep throat swab at the local military health clinic. I normally try to schedule appointments so I can take them separate. I tell them it is so I can spend “special time” with each one. That is not totally the truth. Together they are both nuts and insane. What one doesn’t think of the other does and they encourage each other to carry it out. It is like walking around with a comedy routine that never ends. I had them all afternoon together. While not "bad" they make me look to the floor and put my hand to my forehead while everyone around me laughs and nods in understanding. They wake up the room and make people smile, both in sympathy for me and in just at the humor of youth.In the exam room:
The exam room is small it has the regular exam table, a computer and a hand washing area with drawers. On the wall are a few posters. One poster being of a giant uterus and vagina discussing menopause (this one was of great interest). Upon entering the room both boys instantly open drawers and cabinets checking out every medical thing in there. They check the rubber gloves, open the drawers and identify each item (we have gone through this since they were 2). Yes, they know what a speculum is and what it is used for. After the identification of the speculum and discussion of the menopause poster they each egg each other on about putting their feet up in the stirrups for an exam. A discussion from me then ensues about how a vagina should not be referred to as a “vag”!

Jeffrey my mechanical/electrical savant also pops off the cover on the computer, looking at what he could see inside which he states is “insanely dirty and dusty”. I secretly am glad he doesn't have a screwdriver because he would probably fix that problem if he had 10 more minutes of waiting. Jeffrey then discusses what kind of processor he thinks it has and how on earth it could get so dusty in a clinical setting! I ask him with the “look” and “mean mother voice” to please close the computer up before the nurse arrives!
Finally the Nurse Practitioner comes in the room (thank heavens I thought she would never arrive!). I have seen her at other appointments I have had in the past, she is good but very stiff. Middle aged of German descent in a white lab coat. Very stiff, doesn't work for my boys so they work on trying to get her to crack a smile. I asked her to verify that both their ears were clear and hearing wasn’t an issue for not listening. She verified that both were fine and that couldn’t be used as an excuse any longer.

After the whole process of the swabbing, chest listening and ear looking Jonathon has "questions". I beg him for no questions but the clinic medical staff, always say "no, we want to answer any questions he has". I give them the look of "you have no idea of what you are in for!". At the previous visit he asked “if you are on birth control pills do you still have to say the first day of your last period?” and “If you smoke marijuana is that considered taking an herbal supplement or is it considered smoking?”, he also told a nurse “I admire you for the wonderful job you do but I could never work with crying sick children!”. Basically, Jonathon will ask anything and give his opinion on it to.So this particular day Jonathon wants to know about donating bone marrow. He has a friend that has leukemia and he being the wonderful, kind, generous person he is wants to donate. The nurse practitioner doesn't know a thing about the age requirements for donating bone marrow. With that avenue of discussion closed Jonathon goes into questioning the rules on donating blood. He wants to know why I don’t donate blood. I tell him that when I was young, I was under the weight requirement and later I couldn't because I may have been exposed to Mad Cow disease in Germany in the 1980's. Jeffrey as usual had been sitting quietly listening, gathering information. Jeffrey then said in his ever so sweet voice "sooooo maybe you have mad cow mom?" I said "yes I could, maybe that would explain my flashes of insanity". Both the boys both nod in agreement now sure that they have finally discovered the reason for my erratic behavior. In the corner of the room, putting all the swabs in their respective test tubes the stiff nurse practitioner pipes up from her silence "Well, there may be some other factors in play in that". I just answered "ya think so!"

Jim's Explanation of Christmas in Afghanistan

A family member asked about Christmas in Afghanistan, this is Jim's reply:

Sandy,

Regarding Christmas...the celebration of Christmas is not forbidden here. The Afghan Army officers that I work with are very accepting of our Christian traditions as we are of their Islamic traditions. They invite us to participate in their feasts, and we will invite them to participate in Christmas dinner with us. It is really an issue of being respectful of each others traditions and customs.

As a matter of fact, the Koran says (I have a book called "the Koran for Dummies :) that "Muslims should engage peaceful unbelievers with justice and kindness" (60:8). The Koran also calls for "dialogue between religions, cultures and civilizations regardless of faith in order to know one another, and by implication become close friends in mutual kindness" (16:125; 5:5, 49:13) Thus the Koran tells them that they should be accepting of other religions in order to promote mutual kindness.

Regarding Jesus, the Koran states that Jesus was a servant and prophet of God sent by God to the children of Israel. The Koran also opposes any belief about God that denies God's absolute unity as one deity...so, although they recognize Jesus as a prophet, and acknowledge the birth to the Virgin Mary, performance of miracles, and many other events found in the bible, the belief of a trinity is completely unacceptable to them. In other words...Jesus to them is an important guy, but not the son of God. So in their faith they do not celebrate the events of his life / death / resurrection.

That being said, on our little section of the base, we have Christmas decorations and such. We will take Christmas as a day off, and invite the officers of the Afghan National Army to partake of our Christmas meal. They will attend and be respectfully of our traditions. As far as celebration of Christmas among the local people, Southern Afghanistan is very fundamentalist (Islam) in their beliefs and I have not seen any Christians in the community. I would imagine that further north in Kabul however, there probably are communities of Christians. You must also understand that in the Pashtun areas of Afghanistan and Pakistan, the religion of Islam has also been mixed with what is called the code of the Pashtun or Pashtunwali. Pasthunwali is a code of conduct that is practiced by the Pashtun people that predates Islam and Christianity. When Islam came to the region, the customs of the religion were modified in order to accept and include the traditions of Pashtunwali...so even though the religion here is primarily Sunni Islam, the customs and traditions vary from what you would see as being practiced by Sunnis in Saudi Arabia...similar to how we as Christian have Catholic, Lutheran, Baptist, etc...all recognize Christ as the Son of God...but vary slightly in other ways. I hope this helps.

Very respectfully,

Jim

Thanksgiving AAR

AAR? Well in the Army an AAR is an After Action Review. You go over an event/mission and figure out how it all went. How it all came out in the end. Did you have enough stuff? Do enough? Prepare enough? Did people like it? Did it work? What would you do differently next time? It is a really good tool to mentally do so you don’t get stuck in a rut doing the bad things over and over. If your event/mission was a great success you surely want to document how you did it so you or someone else can do it to!

My Thanksgiving AAR:
Food was amazing. The kids and I made a feast to be proud of. Jon made the pumpkin pie that was quite tasty. Jeffrey peeled the potatoes. He wasn’t feeling well so we didn’t want him around much food. Jen cut up carrots, celery and onion which we sautéed in olive oil then simmered in white wine to put in the dressing. I also used half wine when putting the water in the stuffing instead of all water or broth. The wine gave it a great flavor, definitely doing that again.

But quite honestly the turkey was the best ever. Best turkey I have ever eaten let alone made. I marinated it over night and Jen basted it every 15 minutes. Basically, Dijon mustard, soy sauce and fresh lemons was the concoction. We juiced the lemons and put the rinds inside the bird (Josephine we named her). It was very juicy, had beautiful color and the taste was something to behold. We will be doing that again!

So the feasting went well. We ate very well and enjoyed each others company. Jen spent the evening going through sales ads. That meant only one thing. She wanted to go shopping on Black Friday! I had something on my side though. She didn’t have an alarm clock to wake me before dawn. We did go out and shop though. We were really not out for bargain basement prices but really just mother daughter time out shopping. We did a little damage to the lists but it was more about eating the lunch than the gifts.

Saturday we decided to get the Christmas stuff out. That was me saying to the boys “hey, would you please bring up the Christmas bins!” I had to beg and plead and then Jen and I went out shopping again. There is a new Salvation Army store she was dying to check out. The boys were to start decorating. Do the basic stuff, put up the fake tree (since we plan to go to Wisconsin for Christmas), put up the stockings etc.

Jen shopped until my knee was causing shooting pains then we went home. The boys had done as asked. They put up the tree and put up the stockings. The stocking holders that are suppose to say SANTA had been rearranged to say SATAN instead. There is also the snowman incident where they took the white bulb out of the glowing snowman and put a red one in instead. Making the SATAN sign on the mantle along with the red eyed glowing snowman all part of our "holiday" decor.

AAR on the weekend: Do marinate the turkey! But don’t leave teenage boys around to do the decorating without supervision!