She doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time

Anxiety!

2012-02-16T07:57:00.000-05:00

I don't like anxiety. It usually happens for things I logically and intellectually know are no big deal but it still creeps in when I am not looking. Yesterday I had my annual exam with my allergist. Well not exactly MY allergist since mine was deployed (military Dr.) but a NEW allergist. Because I had not met this allergist my blood pressure began to rise. I logically knew that he/she wasn't going to do anything painful. Oddly just the thought of having to share my medical story with a new person was enough to set me off.

I had my two allergy shots before the appointment. The young men who give me the shots too my pulse, bp. I told them I was anxious and thought my bp would probably be higher than normal. I could feel it!! So the three of them all in military uniform I might add, stood in a semi-circle in front of me waiting for the machine to finish checking my bp. I don't think having them stare at me helped lower it any!

It was elevated, not dangerously but it was 135/97. It is normally lower than that for sure. All because I was going to see a new Dr. I did what I could to try and calm myself and I got through it. I also probably should mention that when I get like that I talk and talk and crack jokes.... It is embarrassing to be sure because it is like my brain has been taken over. I guess it could be worse, I could get mean, grumpy or weepy to those I encounter. As it is I think I am a bit of humorous crazy for a little bit.

Being a mom to bigger kids

2012-02-13T22:06:00.000-05:00

Being a mom to three mostly grown children is hard work. I don't think I ever thought of it as being so hard! I guess I figured that when they graduated from high school they some how magically didn't really need me much. My daughter is a senior in college. She is taking 18 credits and is very busy and stressed. She calls me to de-stress her. To help her think about something besides her classes, to make her think about more than just today. My second child is also in college. He is unsure of where he is going in life. He doesn't want to need me. Yet he does. With one I answer the phone and chat, the other I get on the phone and try to connect.

My son still at home is the quiet one of the bunch. He I have to find ways to be in the room with him. Sit in the same room and make small comments to him and discuss small comments he makes. With him there are few long conversations. I learn more about computers/computer networking/modems... than any 47 yr old lady needs to know.

I keep track of appointments and trust me it isn't easy. The older two don't live here and I don't make the appointments. One is so stressed she forgets and the other just isn't in a mental place to even care to remember. I try to keep track of the cars, the maintenance, the inspection, the oil change, tires.... Class schedules, Spring break, Fall break, how long is Winter break. Have they registered for classes? Has my daughter figured out what she needs to do for graduation, class wise and also the actual event? Have they sent thank you notes for Christmas gifts? Are they eating properly.

I do realize that this over mothering thing is my issue and not theirs. I am working on it. I would like to know how to turn it off? Ok, not turn it off but at least tone it down!

Don't ya just hate it when

2012-02-01T21:21:00.000-05:00

Don't ya just hate it when you are thinking about something and it is soooo important. You have to remember to tell someone something or do something. It is first thing on your mind and you are so happy you remembered it. AND THENnnnnnn you quickly forget it. Something distracts you and it flies out of your head. You remember it was important and that you really wanted to take action on it. But it is just GONE! Where do those things go? Someplace along with the missing socks, scissors, roll of stamps or maybe the tweezers?

I like the Physical therapy place I go to

2011-12-16T10:05:00.000-05:00

I just had to share this story. It just put into focus why I like this place so much. I have been to a few different PT places over the last few years. I was always treated ok at all of them. The place I went to for my pre-surgery pt for my shoulder is the place I requested to go to for my tennis elbow issues. I had my first appointment yesterday. The PT was friendly and thorough. I felt very well taken care of and listened to. While I was lying on a bed getting the electrical stimulation and cold compression I could hear what was going on in the outer exercise room.

It seems a little old man who was getting PT care there showed up not on his scheduled day. His wife was baking cookies and he ended up there. The staff then informed him that since he showed up he was not going to leave until they had worked him hard. They had a few extra minutes to work with him so instead of embarrassing him and making him leave they worked with him. He was a grumpy old guy and they all cajoled him into doing the leg exercises he needed to do. Hold their arms when he needed to walk backwards etc..

While I was doing my arm stretching exercises I noticed that he needed new shoes. The bottoms were literally worn off in shreds. I quietly mentioned it to one of the pt's and she said they were all getting him some new shoes. Now you know why I feel comfortable and taken care of there.

Pepe aka the current ruler of my deck

2011-12-12T10:58:00.001-05:00

In the Winter we put food out for the birds on the deck. It is nice to look at all of them flitting in and out. We also get some squirrels who make it up to our second story deck. Well, the one that has decided to come this year so far I have named Pepe. Last week he was all friendly and ate at one of the feeders, allowing the birds to eat at the others. Well... Today Pepe is being a total and complete bully! He grabs a pile of food, goes to sit in the flower box and eat it. When any bird gets even the idea to come to the deck he flits his tail like he is sending morse code or something. He is running from one end of the deck to the other warding off anything that may want to come get a bite to eat. I even saw him scolding birds in nearby trees. Pepe is the current ruler of my deck. I really think he needs to be taken down a peg!

I didn't mean to leak out

2011-12-03T23:48:00.000-05:00

I meant to finish the month of November with things I was thankful for but I got sick. I am not kidding I really really did. I think I had the flu which then turned into bronchitis. I felt bad, like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I am thankful now that the elephant has left and I can breathe a bit more easily. I am not totally well yet. I have a feeling this is going to linger on for weeks but I am on the road to recovery!

Noooovember 22

2011-11-22T20:22:00.000-05:00

I am thankful that the cable box died on a night that I don't care about the TV programming. Butttttt that means I have to listen to Nazi zombie killing. So it is a little bit of give and take!

11/20/11

2011-11-21T20:57:00.000-05:00

I wish I could be thankful for not coughing but today I am thankful for cough drops which help a little.

20th of November

2011-11-20T23:04:00.000-05:00

It seems like the month is flying by! Today I am thankful for my bed. I haven't felt well lately and diving into it is like visiting an old comfortable friend. I have my heated blanket previously mentioned and it is just so cozy. Best when my husband is there holding down his side. I do have to say that I booted him last night with my coughing and it was nice to cough freely and not worry about waking him up. It was nice he left the sick on in her own bed to. I didn't have it in me to get up and move. I am off now to snuggle down in my bed and become a warm cinnamon roll!

19th

2011-11-20T22:58:00.000-05:00

It has been hard to be thankful lately because I have a terrible virus that has me coughing up a lung. I am really thankful that my older two children are coming home for Thanksgiving. I miss them so much when they are not here. It is like getting a present when I have all my chicks in the nest!

November 18

2011-11-18T20:57:00.000-05:00

Well, today I am thankful for the beautiful Autumn trees. I was stuck in nasty nasty DC traffic and instead of screaming at the vehicles like the lady behind me I instead studied trees. I noticed for the first time that after the leaves start falling off and the trees still have a few on they look like giant lace tablecloths. I never noticed that before and I am thankful that I did. There was one that was the most beautiful bright orange/red color and the sky was so blue beyond it. The color combination was really beautiful.

November 17th

2011-11-17T20:49:00.000-05:00

I am thankful today for my youngest child. My second son has a wonderful dry sense of humor. He is a really good listener and while doesn't say much he lets you know he really heard you. He is crazy smart with electronics. He can take things apart and put them back together working. Solder stuff in, figure out the broken bit and find a replacement on the internet for a good price. He does his chores usually and he plays the clarinet really well. Although the contra alto clarinet always reminds me of the brooms dancing the sorcerer's apprentice, I still like it. He even agrees to go shopping with me so he can carry stuff for me. I would like to teach him how to drive but he isn't very interested. I think he likes our time alone in the car.

Novem. 16

2011-11-17T15:39:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for peanut butter cups. Not all of them mind you but good ones. They have to have the right ratio of chocolate to peanut butter and the peanut butter has to have a touch of salt to balance the sweetness.

15 November

2011-11-15T21:30:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for my camera. It is a nice Nikon camera. I got it after I fought an insurance company for a few years. With the money that I got returned to me I bought it. I would have never ever in a million years gathered the money together to purchase it otherwise. I love how pretty the pictures are when taken with it. I do wish I could take a class or have someone teach me about it so I could take even better photos. Something to dream of :)

November 14 (no really it is!)

2011-11-14T19:00:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful that my family are not picky eaters. I know it seems trivial but I am the family cook and only very rarely does anyone turn up their nose. My youngest child is probably the most picky and with him I just avoid bones and leave some stuff plain because he doesn't like sauces much. My husband loves fried liver and onions which I would never buy let alone cook but yet he has never complained about it. I pretty much just make up recipes as I go along with whatever I have on hand. Nothing ever tastes the same way twice because of that. I cook healthy yet no one complains. My husband was discussing my cooking with a carpool lady once and she was amazed that I cook almost every night with food that is generally from scratch. It isn't pretty by any stretch of the imagination but it is tasty, filling and pretty good for you. I don't know what I would do if I had a bunch of picky people? I can barely make up one dinner a day!!!

Nov. 13 (ok it is really the 14th)

2011-11-14T18:54:00.000-05:00

November 13th I am thankful for sleep. When I get enough life is so much easier! Brain functions better, I am a nicer person on and on. If you have ever been without enough sleep for a period of time you know what I mean. After a period of feeling sleepy you will forever be thankful for sleep. My insomnia generally comes from worry. Most of my worry lately has been health related. Surgery, meeting a new Dr, starting a new medication, a new symptom etc... I there for am very thankful for a good nights sleep. A few weeks of them in a row would be pure bliss.

November 12

2011-11-12T19:53:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for my cat. He is warm, fuzzy and pushes his face on my ear and purrs really loudly. It is the warmest most delicious feeling ever. He started out as my daughters cat but when she left for college he attached to me. My daughter picked up out at the Fort Lewis pet shelter. We went in and she asked the workers which cat was least likely to get adopted. Not the cute little long haired babies, noooo they would get adopted in a minute. They had the cuteness factor of 11. The one that wouldn't most likely get adopted was a teenage orange and white cat that was sticking it's paw out of the cage as much as possible trying to claw anyone going near. That is the one we took home. He has a white spot on the middle of his orange back so he was "temporarily" named Spot. But my daughter felt he needed a long pedigree name like our dog so the cats full name is Tangerine's Snowy Spot. Spot has in his older age turned into more of a dog than a cat. He doesn't hunt mice anymore, now he begs for food at the table. He is funny, grumpy and I am thankful for him.

11/11/11

2011-11-11T18:44:00.000-05:00

It is veterans day! Today I am thankful for all those brave men and women throughout the history of our country who have been willing to give up their lives to protect our country. My husband being the one closest to me of course. I can't thank the troops without thanking their families. All those military wives sitting home waiting, praying, worrying and planning what they would say if the chaplain shows up at her door. Thankful for all the military brats who in no way asked for the life they were born into. My own three military brats are amazing. Multiple schools, saying goodbye to friends, learning how to fit in....

November 10th

2011-11-10T18:39:00.000-05:00

I am thankful today for computers. I am a military wife and have been for 25 years. At the beginning of that we didn't have a computer. We relied on phone calls which at that time was expensive. At least it was expensive for a young family with only one income. In those days phone calls were billed by how far the call was. Long distance wasn't cheap. When we were in Germany we would wait by the phone waiting for our families to call because calling from the USA to Germany was much cheaper than a call from Germany to the USA. When the phone would ring it was like a present had arrived.

In the early 1990's we purchased our first computer. It was really just used to do word processing. I wrote numerous newsletters and created data bases for the military wives. A little later in the 1990's we got a computer that we could go online with. We learned how to email. It took some time before the rest of the family caught up but they eventually did. By the time we moved to Germany again in 2001 everyone was online and we could communicate every day, send photos, chat on and on. Not to mention shopping online :)

I am truly grateful for the computer. It connects me to so many people. Family, friends, people I have never even met in person but have been online friends with for years. When I am far from those that I love and care about in body I can still connect with them on the computer. It is a wonderful invention!

Thanks day 9

2011-11-09T07:46:00.000-05:00

Today's thankful thing is easy. Today I am thankful for my oldest child, my daughter. Today is her 22nd birthday. She was born in Nuremburg, Germany on November 9, 1989. That coincidentally was the day that the Berlin wall fell. Total chaos reined in the country and I was pretty busy myself. Giving birth to the most beautiful smart little 6lb 9oz baby girl that ever graced the earth. I am a bit biased I admit but she is amazing. Beautiful, funny, quirky, smart as a whip. She graduates from William and Mary in a few months with a degree in Philosophy. She is trying to plan the next phase of her life. Law school? A job? Graduate school?? She just has to make up her mind, her options are open. I wish for her a child some day that gives her as much joy as she has given me.

Day 8, I voted!

2011-11-08T12:23:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful that I had the blessing of being born into the United States of America. I can practice any religion I want, I can marry who I want, I can as a woman go to school without fear, I can show my face/legs and hair! and last but not least I can vote. I did just that today. I voted, every time I come out of the building after voting I feel so proud to be a citizen of the USA!

Thankful thing #7

2011-11-07T16:32:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for my parents today. My dad is no longer with us and is very much missed. My parents loved me so much from the second they knew of my exhistance. My dad adored me, thought I was the smartest most beautiful girl that has ever walked the earth. Having one person in the world that thought that of me was amazing, a blessing..... there are no words. My mom has always been there for me. Giving advice, listening and would do anything for me. Most recently she flew here and took care of me after surgery. It felt so good to be taken care of like only a mother can. I am the luckiest daughter ever!

Day 6 of thanks

2011-11-06T14:51:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for my middle child. His heart is open and he feels other peoples pain more than he should. He is funny, talented, smart and handsome as all get out. He is the middle child so I think he feels left out. His talents are varied and many, where his sister and younger brother have very focused talents. He can talk to anyone, loves to entertain, he can do anything he puts his mind to. He gets worried about failure and sometimes gives up before he can see he is succeeding. He is growing into such a wonderful man. I wish he called more, came home more etc. and most I wish he could see what an amazing man he is.

Day 5

2011-11-05T10:22:00.000-04:00

Day 5 of thanks... I am thankful for beautiful sunny days like today. When the sun comes out in such a spectacular way it lifts my spirits. It is like there is a newness and the bad is pushed off into the corner for a bit. It doesn't hurt that the Fall leaves are glorious colors so looking outside in any direction is a wonderful display of amazing colors of nature. The transition time of Fall with the crisp air, warm sun and the colors are what I am thankful for today.

Day 4

2011-11-04T16:36:00.000-04:00

Today is not an easy day to find something thankful for. Life has been hard. Hmmmmmm I am thankful for the little gravel road near my house with a small creek with babbling water. I was able to stop on the bridge today and turn off the radio, open my windows and just look and listen to it. The sound was so peaceful, I saw a heron fly away. I am thankful for the minute of peace where all was well.

Day 3 of thanks

2011-11-03T17:35:00.000-04:00

Day 3 of my month of thanksgiving. Today I am thankful for Dr's. Anyone that knows me knows saying that is very difficult for me. I have had a number of surgeries lately, undergone dozens of allergy shots, will start physical therapy soon and just today found out I might have a problem with my eyes. I pray not but the fact that all these people are educated and trained to help me to be as healthy as possible is humbling to say the least. It would be a lie if I said I liked going, that I had no anxiety about it all but I am thankful none the less.

Day 2 of thanks

2011-11-02T14:08:00.000-04:00

I am thankful for my electric blanket. I know it seems like a small thing but to a girl who is always cold it is heaven sent. My husband likes the room to be cold as can be. I wake up many times a night when my blankets get rearranged, so having the warm blanket means I stay asleep. Hmmmmmm I am a warm hot cinnamon roll. Electric blanket makes Winter not so bad.

A month of thanks...

2011-11-01T20:39:00.000-04:00

Looking at life with a thankful attitude this month. First thing to be thankful for is my husband. We have been together for over 30 years. He has worked hard as an Army officer so I was able to stay at home and take care of our children. It has been a real blessing to me, our children and our entire family. Don't think that me not earning money didn't mean I didn't work. I worked my butt off. Volunteering to take care of my husbands soldiers families, helping with the military community, boy scouts, girl scouts, many many hours volunteered at the elementary schools. But because of my husband I was able to give so much to so many people. I am thankful for my husband for many things but the one I am commenting on today is that he has supported me being a stay at home mom.

Muscle biopsy for Malignant Hyperthermia

2011-07-29T14:19:00.000-04:00

This is a PSA of sorts. Malignant Hyperthermia is a life threatening genetic disorder triggered by certain medications used in anesthesiology. The organization for the disorder is MHAUS. (photos are at the end of my leg after surgery so you are warned)

There is believed to be a connection in my family. My paternal Grandmothers family to be more precise. My grandmother died in her early 40's so many of her Aunts/Uncles and the cousins were no longer contacted or only very rarely at best. My great grandmother had also died young at 36. All these mothers dying young deteriorated the familial connections that would probably be maintained in a family. This is simply some back information.

At some point my father was contacted by one of his cousins with news that his son had died during anesthesia to get a broken leg set. This was attributed to MH, something none of us had ever heard about. After this news we as a family were researched by a Dr Smith at the University of Wisconsin Madison medical school. I was in college at the time and remember going to Madison and having blood drawn and a number of questions asked but never heard of any real conclusion of this research.

We (as a family) were told to always use the MH precautions when having any surgery and to make sure all our Dr's are made aware of this family connection to the disorder. We have to my knowledge all done this. In Wisconsin there are a number of families with MH so it isn't that odd to Dr's there.
Being a military wife I do not live in Wisconsin anymore and when I needed surgery in the past few years it has become an issue.

I had surgery on my knee in December 2008 to remove a cyst. MH precautions were taken. In May of 2009 I had surgery on my shoulder and the MH precautions were also taken. I was also put in contact with the leading researchers on MH who happened to be working in Bethesda, Maryland.

The Dr's were amazing and were free with information. I emailed back and forth mainly with Dr. C asking questions and getting very thoughtful information back. This year (2011) I found out I am in need of surgery again. This time nose/sinus surgery to repair a severely deviated septum. I asked Dr. C if a MH biopsy was possibly in order to once and for all rule out or in MH. He was not sold on the biopsy. Stating that my connection was tenuous at best. I then explained I had 3 children who could not rule in or out military service because MH is a disqualifier. If I as the parent could get the biopsy prove I am negative, none of my children would need to have the biopsy done. Dr. C then with that information he agreed to do the biopsy.

The test, caffeine halothane contracture test, is only done at a few hospitals in the world. One happens to be the Naval hospital in Bethesda, Maryland. That works perfect as I am quite familiar with the hospital and it isn't too far from us. We could go in the morning and come home after. Many families have to fly in from all over to have this test done. It is also an expensive test and I am lucky that my healthcare coverage pays for it in full. Finally I would have definitive answers for me and my 3 children whether or not I in fact had Malignant Hyperthermia.

The reason the biopsy isn't done routinely is because it is invasive to say the least. It involves a long incision on the outside of your left thigh. Then a long strip of contracting muscle tissue is taken from deep in your thigh. I was told the incision would be 3 inches long.

The process started a day before the surgery was to take place. I arrived at the Naval hospital and went to the Neurosurgery dept. as I was instructed. I was given a large amount of paperwork to fill out. I went back and talked with a nurse who took notes, asked questions and sent me to the pre-surgical anesthesiology dept. There were more questions from a nurse, a blood draw, I was given the wipes to clean my skin with the night before and the morning of surgery and a urine cup to bring the morning of surgery to prove I was indeed not pregnant (lol). I was told to be at the hospital by 5:30 am with someone to take me home (my husband drove me).

Morning of the surgery we got up at 4 AM! My husband drove me to the hospital. Once there I was given a gown, booties, a hair net thing etc. to get dressed into. When they were ready they came to get me and I walked to the PACU (post anesthesia care unit) it is also where they prep you for surgery. I had an IV inserted into my hand. Missed on the left hand so then moved to the right. I have a beautifully green left hand from the missed attempt. Tons of people came to talk to me. The surgeon, the anesthesiologist, the surgical nurse in charge, on and on and because it is a teaching hospital each one of the people had one or two trainees there also. Dr. C had come over from the NIH and had with him a pile of paperwork.

The paperwork was for me to give him permission to use my tissue left over for research. If I were positive it could help the research of MH. If I was negative I would be a perfect control patient because I had been tested and know for fact I do not have MH. I signed the pile of papers, Dr C talked to me a bit and made me promise to not leave the hospital until he returned after testing my muscle tissue and finished the paperwork.

They pushed me toward the OR and around the door leaving the PACU I started joking around and they thought it was because I had been given drugs (but I hadn't) they soon fixed that problem and by the time I got into the OR I was feeling loopy. I remember seeing an entire room of people and being amazed they were all there for ME!

Woke up in the PACU. Leg was wrapped in a compression (ace) bandage. It hurt already. I was wheeled back to the place I was when I arrived and sat in the reclining chair. I had hours to wait until Dr C would return with my results. I was in pain and there was mention of pain meds but none came. At around 11:45 I was getting really uncomfortable and asked for meds. They told me if they gave it to me I would have to wait another 30 minutes. I didn't care! They did then bring me some percocet realizing that Dr C wasn't going to be there for sometime. My husband watching my face could tell when it kicked in. He said my eyebrow furrow released some. Dr C finally arrived with the good news that I indeed negative for MH! We left for home.

Day of surgery I was on 800mg of motrin and percocet. Very much needed, it hurt like heck. Walking was very painful and I also kept ice on it at all times. Slept in a recliner. I have been instructed to leave the compression bandage on for 48 hours.

Day after surgery it is slowly starting to feel a tiny bit better. I can get out of the recliner by myself. I walked around the house a bit but painfully. Still on the pain meds and ice. Slept a lot in the recliner.

Day 3, I am taking the motrin but reducing the percocet. Only taking a few doses and only half a pill at a time. Walking a bit more. Keeping on with the ice. I took the compression bandage off and looked at the incision. We measured it and it is 4 1/2 inches long. Longer than I had anticipated. Makes me a bit freaked out to see my Frankenstein leg :( There is some bruising. I noticed also that I think I may be allergic to latex as the compression bandage has left a very itchy red rash on my entire thigh. The incision is taped shut and I was going to put a piece of gauze over it all but the tape we had caused another red rash so it is now not covered except for the tape on the incision. I think I have to discuss this with my allergist before my nose/sinus surgery. My son got really upset when he saw my leg. He knows I did the biopsy for him and his siblings. My guess is he would rather he had it than me but his way of saying that is being really rude and telling me I shouldn't have had it done at all.

Day 4, I am moving around better. I can go up and down the stairs carefully. It hurts still to be sure. I don't intend on going for a long walk for a few weeks. The muscle twitches and hurts. I will take the motrin for a few more days to avoid swelling and percocet as needed. Ice feels good so I will continue to do that also.

Life before GPS and East West border in Germany

2011-07-19T23:47:00.000-04:00

Any similarity to actual people or events is just a "coincidence".

If you are lucky you have had friends that encourage you to push your adventure envelope. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes accidentally. This was one of those "accidentally" situations.

While living in West Germany in the 1980's many of the American military wives would plan shopping trips to different factories. Crystal, nutcrackers, Christmas ornaments, baskets were some of the places we would regularly go. My friend Liz and I planned a day out shopping. It was always a fun day when we were out. We would stop by meat shop get some ham and cheese, get some fresh rolls at a small bakery on the way. It was truly delightful. This particular day we went out to shop. I think it was baskets we were after but I could be wrong. What we were hunting for isn't the important part.

This was long before GPS's so we just had a real map and some vague directions in the military wife bible. It was a book fellow American military wives put together that discussed all the factory outlets, good shopping and touristy places you don't want to miss on your tour in Germany. This was also before the Berlin wall came down so there were very strict rules for us to stay a minimum of 5 km's from the East German border. We knew this very well and knew we would be close but we should have been fine. "Should have" is key here. We were lost wandering down small country roads in a beautiful area when we turned a corner and BAMMMMNNN right in front of us was very clearly the border. Barbed wire fence as far as the eye could see and immediately in front of us a guard tower. The male guard was looking at us, we were looking at him and we stopped cold not sure what to do. He of course took out a camera (not a gun) and took photos of us. We were sure those photos would turn up at some government meeting, the hunt would then be on for Liz and I. We gathered our wits, turned the car around and got the heck out of there praying.

I would never have gone off hunting for a basket factory by myself and she most likely wouldn't have either. Together we were unable to find a single basket but broke any number of international laws. No one ever came to hunt us down thank heavens. But if anyone asks this is complete and utter fiction!

A Black cat crossed my path

2011-06-06T10:20:00.000-04:00

A day in the life of me:
I was sleeping soundly in my bed only to be awoken by "HONEY!! Dawn!! come help me!!! It got in!!" Turns out my kind hearted husband heard an animal crying, thought it was our cat and let it in the house. It turned out to be a black cat which after seeing it he declared "it is evil, trying to get me". I think he was joking at this point but he did see it as in intruder that he needed to remove from his home. My reply to him was "what is it?" he replied "a strange wild black cat". The strange wild black cat was smallerish, had a collar and was trying to rub against his legs. I told him to "pick it up and put it outside". He didn't want to touch it's evilness and let it walk around the living room while he watched it.

Next phase of the morning fun. Our cat Spot came up from the basement only to witness "evil black cat" in his living room and all cat hell breaks loose. Screaming (both the cats and my dear husband), hissing and a real cat fight. I then (from my bed still) tell husband to (herd our cat upstairs). Husband herds our cat with an exercise ball (that Spot the cat is terrified of) up the stairs. By this point I had gotten out of bed, pushed our cat into my bedroom and shut the door. I then come downstairs to witness "evil black cat" myself.

Evil black cat (EBC for short) was in fact black and super cute. He/she had greenish yellow eyes and was very friendly. I then proceeded to open the door on the deck and put him/her outside. Crisis averted, EBC gone to wander home and Spot our cat can rein his domain in peace. I think husband is a bit worse for wear as he generally likes his mornings to be peaceful and quiet. Oddly enough he also had an incident a year or so ago with a black dog that followed him home after a morning run!

My little brother brought home a Duckling!

2011-02-27T18:52:00.000-05:00

This is just one of those stories you remember from childhood. I was the older sibling and I just watched this one from the sidelines. I lived in a small Wisconsin town. It was one of those towns that you think about when you think "small town America". A yearly event in the early Summer was "Ridiculous days". It was really a few days that all the local business' put out all the unsold wares in their stores. The local library sold unused books. Charities set up booths etc. The things at the stores were discounted by a ton and you really had no idea what would be out on the tables in front of the stores.

My Uncle would bring my cousin to our house and my grandmother would give her and I a few dollars and we would spend the whole day walking the streets looking at all the tables and looking for the best stuff we could buy with our money. Which at the time seemed like a fortune to two little girls. Don't worry for our little girl safety in the town. It was filled with neighbors, cousins who worked at the stores, Aunts, Uncles and friends of all. We couldn't walk a few feet without someone greeting us and wishing us a good shopping day.

While on one of our trips we passed a man with cages of kittens and baby ducks. He was set up between the Catholic church and a ladies clothing store. We looked and walked on. After our long and tiring day of shopping we went back to my house. At my house my little brother sat with a baby duck. A baby duck! The Catholic church was just a block from my house and he had gone with my other brother to look around. The man had sold my brother who was little maybe 7 or 8 a baby duck. Knowing my brother even as a small boy he probably worked up some deal so he could get that baby duck. We lived in the city. We couldn't have a DUCK!!! I didn't say a thing, I looked at it and had fun seeing it's little fuzzy body. Duck made little quacking noises. I sort of hoped we would be able to keep it because it was so so cute!

A few hours later my mother came home!!!!!!!!!!! I had never seen my moms head steam like that! She was fuming mad. Not at my brother really but at the man that had sold a little boy a baby duck. She knew how sweet hearted my brother was and how much he would desire a cute little yellow fuzzy duck but the man should not have sold it to him. Mom, gathered up the little duck with my brother crying and walked the duck back to the man up the street. She gave him more than a little piece of her mind and the baby duck was gone. We were all a little sad :(

But as a side note to the story our neighbors across the street, a few years later had a secret illegal duck they raised. I would go over and look at it sort of wishing we still had that little yellow duck that came to visit our house for a few hours a few years before.

I am frightened of looking like Michael Jackson!

2011-02-24T15:38:00.000-05:00

Background information: I have terrible horrible allergies, I have asthma and I have never breathed normally out of my nose. I also have severe anxiety when I go to the Dr because I have been treated like a crazy person for decades by medical staff. Basically that is it.
I was recently given a consult with an allergist because no amount of medicine was making life worth living during allergy season. I went to see the allergist in November, he did a bunch of testing and found out I am allergic to trees, grasses and molds. The things I had been allergic to as a child and took allergy shots for so many years ago I am not allergic to them anymore, I just came up with new ones. I am so efficient like that. Allergist ordered 30 days of antibiotics, steroids and then a sinus CT scan. The CT scan showed a deviated septum so he sent me to the ENT. I am now waiting for the allergy serum so I can have the pleasure of a shot in each arm 3x/week. Oh and for that pleasure I get to drive an hour in DC traffic each way! The fun and joy abound!

The ENT appointment was yesterday. I am still squirming and getting entirely frazzled recalling what he said. He sat me in a chair that looked like a dental chair (not a good thing in my case!). He then had me sniff up some Afrin to decrease the swelling in my sinus' and also some novacaine to numb it. While talking to me he cleaned off a long skinny black tube device. I could barely hear what he was saying because I was envisioning him sticking that thing up my nose! He did! It hurt a little, was uncomfortable as all get out and I didn't like it. He said my left sinus' was beautiful, perfect, he could see from one side to the other no problem. He lifted something up and said "breathe" so I did and it was like a miracle. Unimpeded O2 flowing into my nose! It was amazing. He finished looking around and then moved onto the right side. That side inside has a totally different story. Severely deviated septum, which they keep saying is odd because on the outside I look totally straight. Who would have known?

So he takes the camera tube thing out of my nose entirely and starts talking. I guess my nose collapses when I breathe and it isn't suppose to do that so the good sinus wasn't getting air because of the collapsing valve nose. Which means when I breathe in deeply it closes up. That sorta makes it hard for air to get in. I have noticed especially when I am exercising that unless I breathe through my mouth it is impossible for me to get enough air. Then my mouth gets dry... not comfortable at all. So what he wants to do is totally reconstruct my nose by taking out some of the cartilidge and remaking it so it stays open like it should. The more I think about this the more nervous and scared I get. He said that and my mind went on *tilt* he was sure I would be most worried about the cutting part and said "the incision for this part of my reconstruction would be at the base of my nose and the scar heals nicely, I will fix the deviated septum" blah blah blahhhhhh (I could hear nothing)... all I could think was "he is taking apart my nose! I going to look like MJ?"

I asked my husband what kind of nose I should get and his answer was "you don't get to pick your nose, you get the nose the Army gives you". Now I am thinking there is a box of "Army noses" and they all look horrible sort of like the birth control Army glasses they give them. He also mentioned that if they want it to stand open it will have to be very wide like an African nose. I happen to like African noses on Africans but on a middle age white woman it might look weird??? My husband is no help what so ever!

I need to actually sit and think about this at some point so I can ask some sane questions when I go back. I can't go back until I get a totally messed up sinus CT scan. He has one on meds, now he wants one all stuffy and crazy. So I wait for the trees and grasses to start pollenating. Few weeks I should be ready. Funny thing is I like my nose. It is mine, I have never LOVED it or HATED it. I just figured this was my face and I would make peace with it. Now I have to go and get a new one. FREAKING ME WAYYYY OUT!!! What if I look like Michael Jackson?!!!

Photo repair brag

2011-02-04T10:34:00.002-05:00

I have been working on scanning old photos. It is a tedious process to say the least. It has proven to be most rewarding though also. My mom brought a box of photos with her and in it were a few old ones. One of my dad, his parents and all but one of his siblings. There are few photos of his family because his mother died when he was a boy. The photos that have survived many are in rough shape. One of the photos I scanned was discolored, had spots etc. I worked in photoshop elements for quite some time with my Mom watching. To transform it into a photo where you can see the family again. It was quite the accomplishment for me.

Sunday drives and a canned ham

2011-01-26T07:53:00.001-05:00

Long before malls were open Sundays, when the blue laws were still in effect Sundays revolved around driving and canned hams. Blue laws made it illegal for stores to be open for business on Sundays. We had to entertain ourselves and could not spend the day at the mall buying things we probably didn't need or could afford anyway!

My mom is currently visiting me and we have had a lot of time to talk while doing various things. Picking out paint for one of my bathrooms, sorting old photographs etc. She reminded me of the Sunday rituals of when I was growing up. I grew up in South Eastern Wisconsin. In a town called Cedarburg which is North a bit from Milwaukee. It is one of the cutest small towns in the country. I had lots of family that lived in nearby towns and loads of family friends. Sunday we would go visiting or they would visit us.

In those days Sunday was a day for visiting. Everyone did it. No one called ahead to see if you were home and make a date. You just got in your car and drove around until you found family or friend to spend the afternoon with. If the first family was off driving themselves, you went on to the next person you maybe haven't seen in awhile. Some weekends you stayed home and waited for visitors.

That is where the canned ham comes in. Everyone had a canned ham in the refrigerator in case someone stopped by. You could quickly make a nice meal for them. For your own family you wouldn't break out the canned ham. It was saved in the refrigerator for guests. Peel some potatoes, make the canned ham and a few cans of corn or beans and you had the makings of a feast. I remember that funny shape the can was for the ham, and the key you had to carefully open the can with. That strip of metal that came off was dangerous and sharp. My mother told me each time to save me from a nasty cut.

Those impromptu visits were the best. I am sure the parents loved them. The whole community of love, the sharing of stories that occurred from the last visit. Updating each other on other families you maybe have seen recently. Maybe a beer or two or Mogan David wine in a gallon jug (my grandma Ann's personal favorite). But those Sundays were made for us kids. We got to see cousins, friends and play! We all made up games, played hide and seek etc. The parents didn't orchestrate our time. We were expected to use our imaginations and "go have fun". Have fun! We sure did that!

So thinking of today. I would never drop at any one's home unannounced. I don't have a canned ham in my refrigerator and no one comes to my home on Sunday afternoons either. I don't think technology has changed how we socialize I think going to the mall on Sunday has.

I think I need to go get a ham and invite people to come. Try in a small way to honor my childhood and the love that I got to feel on those many Sunday afternoons.

Back in the Olden Days we wrote with a pen

2011-01-10T16:38:00.003-05:00

Being the good mother that I try to be, I just spent the past hour or so getting my teenage sons to write thank you notes. I got out the cards, return labels and stamps. I even hunted two working pens and set up a spot for each of them at the table. I called them and my "don't mess with mamma tone" got them to actually come and sit down. They looked at me like I was insane. "I could just text them Mommmm!", "What about calling??", or how about the age old "I am sure they know I love it".

After another episode of me giving them "the LOOK" they got started. First they both had issues with basic spelling. Claiming that they "could spell" but were having brain farts. When I called them on that they then went on about how they could just use spell check on the computer. They have been made to do this before so they have the basic concept down. Write the persons name, thank them for whatever the gift was and sign their name. I also (because I am basically totally evil) make them not just thank the person for money but to tell them what the money was spent on or what they intend to purchase with it.

When the actual writing on the card part was done they put them in the envelopes and sealed them. Without labeling the envelope. You may guess the next fiasco. Ok, which one goes to which person. Hmmmmm, don't know! Ok, I hear from the other room "just make your best guess and be done with it". So the card may or may not match who it is now being sent to.

The last part is where do you put the stamp, return address label and how do you write the persons address? One had it down, the other was lost and stuck things in the wrong places. Necessitating ripping off of things and resticking. I hope they stay put!! They also had to look up addresses in a rolodex in alphabetical order. The horror! So now they are done, hopefully going to the right people and the stamps don't fall off.

Next time maybe teach them how to file alphabetically (I told you I was pure evil hehehe). I have been told that no one writes anymore. That computers are the norm. I asked what would happen if all the computers in the world died due to an electrical pulse. The youngest just said and I quote: "I would just build a new one!". Thing is he could. I am beginning to feel really old!

So What is on your Bucket list?

2010-03-01T10:43:00.002-05:00

Hmmm what is on my bucket list??? I have been thinking about this. I sort of feel like my life has been put on hold since we found out my husband was deploying. He has been gone since July of 2008. That is a long long time. I have dealt with a whole lot of things that life threw at me. I guess now is the time to think about what next? What do I want to do with the time that life gives me?

What do you want to do before you kick the bucket? What dreams do you have deep dark in your soul. Dreams that you keep down because you just don't think they could ever happen. Dreams you maybe don't have the support to accomplish but they are still there. Dreams that you put aside because you were busy helping others dreams.

Think about it, I am thinking about it. If you have a dream post it in the comments.

Good luck dreaming.

OK! It has been a few months

2009-07-08T22:47:00.003-04:00

Well, it is July 8th, 2009. It has been awhile since I wrote. Hubby was home for his mid-tour leave. He slept for literally 5 days straight. Waking to eat only. I guess a week of travel after fighting a war for 6 months will do that to a man. After he awoke he did yard work. I know that probably sounds not very restful but he loves to be outside and in Afghanistan being outside isn't really the safest thing. He put down two truckloads of mulch. Made a new bed around some trees, planted more bushes etc.... He was tired in a good way, dirty from digging in the dirt and drank some nice beer and smoked meat in his smoker. Then he left. It was really hard to see him go. I knew he was going into the Summer there, the most dangerous time. It is dangerous because that is when the Taliban fight but also because of the intense heat. I just looked and the temperature for today is 110*. How can you drink enough to live in that amount of heat with so much clothes and protective gear on?? I just can't even imagine it. The Marines are in Helmud province fighting the Tali ban so they are scooting out of there to the North/East (which I don't like one bit because that is in Jim's direction) and also further to the West. I say burn the poppies, cut off the money they make. Pay the poor farmers for the loss of the crop and move on.

Sooo, life just kept moving on. In May I had surgery on my Right shoulder. It turned out to not be a torn rotator cuff but rather a chewed up rotator cuff, a bicep muscle that was entrapped (so they cut off part of my clavicle), bone spurs, arthritis, tendinitis and they took out my bursa for good measure. In case you are wondering, Yes! it hurt. The surgery seemed to go OK at least for me. I heard from my daughter that they evacuated the hospital for a drill or something. I stopped breathing was mentioned but brushed over since I assume they were able to get me breathing again quickly. The surgeon who didn't believe me that it needed surgery to begin with thought he was right when he started on the topside of my shoulder. That part looked wonderful. He called it "Happy Bunnies". He then went to the underside and found the "Evil Bunnies with fangs and black capes". I am not sure why he told me about the surgery in bunny terms but he did along with actual photos of the inside of my shoulder.

So since then I have been doing physical therapy. Three times a week..... It is good and bad. I really like the office I go to, the Pt's and exercise specialists are amazing and fun. I just wish it was all better already. It still hurts and I am sick of it. Just today they tried a new thing that I think actually helped. My main issue is I have had my trapezius and biceps in spasm literally for years and they don't know how to not do it. Sooo today I had it lasered and they put some tape stuff on. It feels like my trapezius is finally not in total spasm. It isn't like they haven't massaged it to an inch of it's life, electrical stimulation, ultrasound, heat, ice, stretching over and over...... I just hope this is the answer.

I am frustrated, can't you tell ha-ha? My shoulder is better in some ways than before. My bicep muscle was entrapped making part of my arm and last two fingers to go numb a dozen times a night waking me up. That was gone instantly after the surgery. My rotator cuff hurts less and I can definitely move it more without pain. Where they had to cut bones and dig around in there still hurts though. I think some of that is due to the muscles in spasm. (I keep mentioning botox but they laugh and say it would not have the results I would like)

Enough of the lament about the shoulder. I am glad I am done with the surgery. Now I must be patient with the recovery. I am not so good at that part.

I will try to be better at writing. I can sit and type for longer so it should be easier.
Pray for shade for those in the hot sun!

Need VS Need

2009-04-15T08:32:00.003-04:00

Right now what I NEED to take a break. Like a week long vacation away from the house, alone in a hotel room getting massages every day. Need, I don't mean want, I mean need. I am under a ton of stress and there is no way to relieve it. I feel helpless, hopeless and just plain worn out. I have been having some weird occular migraines. Really pretty to look at but scary none the less. I need a break from parenting, I need a break from taking care of the house and the bills and buying the food and the animals..........

What I also need is to go to physical therapy to get ready for my shoulder surgery next month. I need to make sure the van gets a new windshield because it is broken badly. I need to pick my mother and father in law up at the airport. I need to get my son from school after his track practice. I need to be ready for seeing my husband after so many months. I need to .................

The need to do the second bunch will outweigh the first. I have to find a way to fit me in. I feel a bit like the pond in Spring with tiny cracks around the edges. If I am not careful there will be holes and no one needs that! The good news is the soldier is on his way. He should be here at home by tomorrow night. Maybe we both could just curl up in bed and sleep? That sounds really good!

God's lesson

2009-04-09T07:35:00.003-04:00

Well my last post I stated that I wasn't a patient person. I guess God sees that as a challenge. I still don't have a date of when Jim will arrive. The most current guess of when he will leave Afghanistan is April 11th. The fighting has been intense from what I can gather. He gives out no information really. He did send me a link to an article about one. http://www.dvidshub.net/?script=news/news_show.php&id=32037

So I understand that travel is dangerous and that he is needed. I would be lying if I didn't say I need him to and that I just want him home. I was find for months and months with little contact but when the hope of him coming home was placed before me I took it. Now it just keeps getting moved and that is really really hard. We made plans for his original come home date and that has passed days ago. My mother had hoped to see him, she is already at home at at work. The boys have Spring break this week. We were going to do all sorts of things but they all included Jim. I feel sorry for the boys. Their break was anything but fun. We had hoped to spend Easter with him that won't happen either. His parents arrive on the 15th. If he gets out on the 11th and makes great connections he should get to see them.

We all sit here waiting and worrying. We understand that he isn't coming because it is too dangerous to travel. God is teaching me patience. I must be patient that when the perfect time for him to come arrives he will leave there and start his trek here. God is teaching me that I can make plans, lots of people can make plans but he is the one in charge and knows best.

Pray that Jim's travels are safe and soon!

I am not a patient woman

2009-03-30T23:21:00.004-04:00

I thought I had the patience of Job. I don't! Jim said he was going to come home for his mid-tour leave in either March or April. Now it is some time in April?? Maybe??? I don't know what to tell people because I don't know anything. In the past days I have gotten one email from him that said "No word yet...probably more like the middle of the month. Love, Jim" No kidding! That is it, I haven't edited it for public consumption that was it in it's entirety. His parents have purchased airline tickets so they can come and see him.

The worst thing is I have seen too many programs on TV where the military person shows up somewhere to surprise their spouse, children, mother, father etc. Somewhere in a very tiny place I hope he is on his way already and will just show up somewhere. That isn't the way he works but it is one of those irrational dreams.

So no, I am not patient. I wait impatiently, I worry endlessly and I dream.

I swear I am not crazy… I think…

2009-03-23T16:26:00.000-04:00

I know I am under a great deal of stress. I am mentally aware of this fact. I am dealing with two teen boys myself, a daughter in college, three cars to maintain, a house, a yard, had knee surgery, need shoulder surgery, my grandmother died, the Taliban are shooting at my husband…. It is truly too much I get that but I have been dealing with it ok. I get grumpy sometimes but I have been ok.

You know there is an “until” coming right ha-ha! I was at a party the other night. I had a few glasses of wine but not excess. I was about to go and I just burst into tears. Literally just started to cry and could not stop. I was having a great time, was comfortable and it seems that was the time my brain went to tilt and I lost it. I don’t remember walking home even. I remember sobbing for hours in bed. I woke up just completely and utterly spent. No desire or need to cry since or before. All I have to say is it was very very embarrassing. I am sure people thought I was drunk or something but it just wasn’t that. Not the way you want to exit a fun party. I called to apologize. I didn’t really know what to say? “I am sorry I went bonkers last night”???

This same thing happened to me years ago. I was conducting a large round table meeting for military spouses about the return of their deployed husbands. The meeting was going well and again for some unknown reason I lost it and just starting uncontrollably crying.

Admitting this and writing about it is hard. I am not the type who falls apart. But I guess that is why I am writing about it. If it can happen to me it can happen to anyone. Just pick yourself up and move forward. Try to find ways to relieve the stress before it builds up to tilt . Try not to be embarrassed. I say that not able to do it myself. It just proves that you can want to be strong, act strong 99.999% of the time but the stress will always win if you don’t do something.

Now on to how to relieve stress….
Exercise: I am going to physical therapy twice a week for my knee and shoulder. I am also trying to ride on the recumbent bike a few times a week besides that.

Talk to friends: This one is good but hard for me. I have so much going on that when I call I feel like I am constantly unloading on them. Who wants to be the friend of the person whose life is a pile of stress?

Accomplish something: I do feel better when I accomplish something. Set a goal and achieve it. This has also been hard because of the knee surgery and my current shoulder pain. Hard to do much when everything you do causes pain.

Anyone else have any ideas? I would rather not burst into tears in public again ha-ha!

Why does the Poison Oak hate me so??

2009-03-13T12:32:00.000-04:00

I go in the yard to do weeding
To prepare for the new plant seeding

I pull up the dead
Cleaning out the winter bed

Sitting on the ground
Digging around

I make a nice pile of debris
Go around the cute small tree

Everything looks delightful
No more the mess that is frightful

I go in the house and scrub
To get rid of any dirt I rub

Go to sleep at night
Wake up to a sight

It seems the poison oak has found me
Where you say? On my knee!

My knee is so red
The itch makes me out of my head

I should have known not to lie
On the ground though it was dry

I suffer from pain
It is such a drain

Why does the poison oak hate me so?
I don’t think I will ever know!

Why do I do that to myself?

2009-02-25T22:30:00.000-05:00

I sit here late at night not able to sleep. You may ask me why I can’t sleep. Army wives know certain things we should do, shouldn’t do and things we just do automatically. We mentally go over the knock at the door scenario, men in uniform, the chaplain, all coming to give bad news. We wonder if we will collapse, if we will scream…. It is a bit morbid but some how we think that if we think it over, get the picture in our head we will be able to endure if it happens. We don’t start the day planning to think this over, it just comes. I was reading the news. 4 American soldiers were killed in Southern Afghanistan by a roadside bomb. Was it my American soldier in Southern Afghanistan? Was it my husband of 22 years, my friend of 28 years, the father of my 3 children? They say they won’t release the exact place until they notify the family. So they haven’t notified yet, so I could get the knock on the door. The next paragraph in the articles was the next worst attack was in Zabul province in January. That was the pressure sensitive bomb that took my husband’s friend. Seeing that makes it all even more real. Thinking about that makes my stomach hurt, makes tears come to my eyes and I don’t think my mental preparations are going to turn out to be helpful. I emailed my soldier to ask if he got the boxes I recently sent to him. I don’t want to say “please email me because I can’t sleep until I know you are safe”. Why did I do that to myself? Why did I have to read the article about Afghanistan?

**He emailed me the next day and he got his packages I sent :) **

His legend lives on or Elvis hasn’t left the kitchen

2009-01-26T14:03:00.000-05:00

This is a short story about neighbors and the sharing of a new recipe. I was in Wisconsin for Christmas with my family. My mother lives in the neighborhood I grew up, some of the neighbors are the same as when I lived there many years ago. Cindy lives next door to my mother. She is a sweet woman who is a dear friend. She was especially a friend to my Grandmother who died in November. I am sure Cindy misses her greatly. I babysat her two children when we were all young and she catches up on me when I visit and I catch up on her and her family.

Cindy came over one day to chat. With her she brought a plate of freshly baked cookies. Selections of a few different types of cookies to pick from were displayed nicely on a Christmas plate. She started telling us about the different types she baked up that morning. One type she was really interested in having us taste was the Elvis cookies. My mom grabbed one and broke it into three parts. The cookie was broken evenly one third of a cookie piece for her, one for my sister-in-law Irina and one third for me to eat. We all popped our little part of the cookie into our mouths. At first it tasted pretty good, peanut butter cookie tasting, with some banana to give it nice moisture. Then as you chewed a bit you noticed something really chewy in there. Bits of something smoky tasting started to show up as you chewed. Chew, scrunch eyebrows trying to figure it out. As Cindy can see we are all very confused she started to explain.

It seems that Elvis’ favorite sandwich was peanut butter, bananas and bacon. No, that wasn’t a typo, I did say bacon. These cookies were Elvis cookies, designed in his honor. Peanut butter, bananas and diced up pieces of bacon. I tell you we all wanted to spit so fast you can’t imagine. We did all manage to swallow the 1/3 of cookie and pass on any future ones. There is something fundamentally wrong with the idea of a cookie a wonderful peanut butter one especially that has bacon added to it.

So the lesson of the story is ask your neighbors (even your very sweet ones) what they are feeding you BEFORE you put it in your mouth. We all tried to get others to taste those cookies but we had no more takers. The word of the bacon peanut butter cookies spread.

For your pleasure:
ELVIS COOKIES
• 1 cup smooth peanut butter (because you wouldn’t want to confuse the bacon lumps and nuts!)
• ½ cup packed light brown sugar
• ½ cup granulated sugar
• 1 large egg, lightly beaten
• ¼ cup all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• ½ cup crumbled cooked (very crisp) bacon (about 6 strips)
• ½ cup diced firm banana
Heat the oven to 350.
In a large bowl, combine the peanut butter and two sugars. Beat until well combined. Beat in the egg until just combined. Set aside.
In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour and baking soda. With the mixer on low, add flour and soda to peanut butter mixture, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed.
Gently mix in the bacon and bananas, trying not to mash the bananas.
Using slightly wet hands, roll rounded teaspoons of dough into balls and place on the prepared baking sheets, leaving about 1 inch. Dip the tines of a fork into water, then flatten the cookies until they are about 1 ½ inches around.
Bake on the middle rack for 11 minutes. Cool cookies on the baking sheet for 2 minutes, then remove with a spatula to racks to cool completely. Makes 30 cookies.

Changed the names to protect the innocent

2009-01-23T13:45:00.000-05:00

I am writing about my experience visiting the former Soviet country of XXXXXX. I went there in March 2006 for my brother’s wedding. He married a woman from the capital city of AAAAAA. Before I begin, I want to say that the people of XXXXXX were warm, friendly and I truly enjoyed my time with the civilians. My sister-in-law’s family and friends are generous wonderful people. I also want to say that I am a stay at home mother of 3, my husband is an officer in the United States Army and I have lived in Germany for 6 of the 22 years he has been active duty. The only capacity I have ever worked for the US government was as a substitute teacher.

I arrived in XXXXXX with the appropriate VISA requirements, passport and all papers in order. I was told that there was a requirement that in three business days I would have to register at an office in the city as a foreign visitor. I arrived on Thursday, that deadline would be Monday from my calculations.

It became very obvious quickly that we were being watched/monitored. We stayed in an apartment and it was patrolled at least hourly. I could see police and military walking past the building 24 hours a day carrying a weapon. Because of jetlag and wedding I was awake at all different hours to personally see this myself.

On Monday my Mother and I were taken to the government office where we were to sign in as stated when we arrived in the country Thursday. When we arrived there with my sister-in-law’s brother things got very strange. He turned in our paperwork and we sat there for a very long time. My sister-in-law’s family has done this process many times as they have family and friends that come from the Ukraine and other countries to visit. This time was different. There were a few people working in the office and soon our paperwork was being passed back and forth, phone calls were being made etc. I don’t speak Russian which is what they were speaking so I have no idea what exactly was being said but the facial expressions were not good.

My mother and I sat getting more and more nervous at time went on. Vadik (sister-in-law’s 19 yr old brother) was extremely nervous and upset. His face was getting paler by the second. Soon we were told that because we had not come in within 72 hours we would have to go to court and see a judge. It suddenly became not 3 working days but literally 72 hours from the time we arrived. To see the judge we would need an appointment with the court and a lawyer to fill out the paperwork. Our flight to leave the country was Tuesday morning. This all had to be done extremely quickly in order for us to make our flight out of the country.

The people working in the office gave Vadik a phone number of a lawyer. He called the lawyer and we were to meet him outside of the courthouse in a few hours. We walked to the courthouse at the appropriate time and met him. We went inside, he gathered the correct paperwork and with Vadik translating we filled out the paperwork. We were told to beg forgiveness, to explain we were busy with the wedding etc. While sitting waiting for the lawyer to fill out paperwork I showed Vadik pictures in my wallet of my family. One my husband and myself he asked me to quickly put away as my husband was in his military uniform. He was afraid if they didn’t know before that if someone saw that it would make matters worse.

Finally it became time for us to meet with the judge. When we entered the room my sister-in-law’s mother was there, Vadik, my mother a secretary, the judge and I. The judge looked over the paperwork and instantly turned to me. No one else in the room mattered at all. The judge then questioned me over and over why I hadn’t signed in, why I was in the country, what I did in the United States…. On and on he asked me things. He did this speaking Russian and Vadik translated for us. I kept telling him over and over I was in XXXXXX for the wedding of my brother, that I didn’t sign in because I was told it was 3 working days, I was a stay at home mom in the United States. He very obviously didn’t believe me at all. He was visibly angry that I wasn’t telling him the things he wanted to hear. He had no proof that I was anything other than what I said I was so eventually we were made to pay a big fine for our not following the rules and we were released. But we were still being watched very closely.

Monday night very late we got a call that our flight had been cancelled or delayed. We made plans then to leave on a flight that was leaving XXXXXX on Wednesday. We arrived at the airport Wednesday and prepared to leave. The check-in process was a complete mess. I was forced to pay a huge fee for each bag I carried. I was also questioned by the security quite extensively while my mother was waved through again.

We were escorted onto the plane by 3 flight attendants. We were put in the very front of the plane behind the pilot and the 3 attendants sat around us and a curtain was pulled between us and the other passengers on the plane.

Why I was so obviously followed and harassed by the authorities in XXXXXX I really don’t know. My only guess is because I live in Virginia my passport was issued by the state dept. I think possibly because of this they thought I worked for the state dept. in some capacity. The judge very certainly thought I held some sort of government position and I was lying to him about it.

My reason for writing this for Alla is to put a face on the paranoia of the former Soviet countries. If a stay at home mother living in Virginia visiting one of these countries is monitored, taken to court, flights changed, fees charged etc. I only can guess what a citizen of that country would go through if he or she had true knowledge of information that the government deemed critical or dangerous. XXXXXX is a poor country with little resources; YYYYYY is the right hand to Russia. I think the paranoia would be exponentially worse.

It's Sorta like the Flu

2009-01-13T11:10:00.000-05:00

It is sort of like having the flu, you never get better at it. My husband James has been in the Army for 22 years, I have been along for the entire ride. He is currently deployed to Afghanistan. He left for training the end of July 2008, arrived in Afghanistan in November. That means he will hopefully be home next year in November. I love to talk to people but when they hear that my husband is deployed they usually say something like "well, you are probably used to it by now". For years I just nodded and moved on, but it hurt. My heart never feels used to my husband being gone in harm's way. I just didn't know how to explain it to people.
We survived Thanksgiving this year. It was the three children and me. My knee has been painful for sometime because of a cyst that needed surgery. So for Thanksgiving all the kids and I worked together to make a pretty amazing meal. We said our thanks, we were grateful that we four could be together and that Jim was able to email that day so we knew he was alive and safe at least for that day.
I scheduled the knee surgery for the day after my daughter's last exam. I needed an adult to take me to the hospital and back. With Jim gone I had no one who could do that for me. I have a hard time asking for help. It just always feels like I should be helping others and asking for help for myself is difficult. I am working on that character fault. So, December 12 I had knee surgery. It was really hard not to have Jim there. I was scared and could have really used his support, humor and kick butt attitude to get me there. I had to do that myself, I had to assure the kids that I would be ok and that everything would be fine. I wasn't sure myself but I had to make them believe it. I am sure I was grumpy and not the best mom. That makes me embarrassed, that my fears and sadness rubs off on them.
I had surgery, all went well and I came home that afternoon. Jim tried to call me that evening. I was able to tell him that the surgery was a success and that all was well. The phone line went down in Afghanistan so we were not able to really talk. It was nice to hear his voice, like a little hug from across the world.
The next few days are a painful blur that was only made better because of my angel of mercy (my daughter). She got up every four hours and gave me pain medicine, helped me get up when needed and fed me when I was hungry. I had two friends who came and sat with me. The real kind of friends that ask you and don't take no for an answer. They ignored my "I will be fine" comments and came anyway.
The children and I had planned to drive from Northern Virginia to Wisconsin to spend Christmas with family. Jim and I met in high school working at a one screen movie theater in my hometown. My mom still lives there for now. Going to Wisconsin without Jim is always a little painful, fun, love filled, but sad too because he isn't there to remember the past with me. We left early in the morning and drove straight through. I couldn't drive so the two older children drove. I sat painfully, very painfully with my leg propped up on the dash for 15 hours.
Driving into my mom's driveway was so wonderful. The Christmas tree was visible in the front window, the snow piled high in the front yard. I extricated my unbending leg from the dash of the car and with help, made it into the house. I was given food, pain pills, water to drink, a bag of frozen peas for my knee and a big fat warm blanket. It was so nice to have my mom taking care of me like when I was little. I slept in the recliner that night, waking to take more pain pills as needed. That trip wasn't easy at all. Not one I would suggest for anyone eight days out of knee surgery.
I hadn't heard from Jim in a few days. I was getting worried but know that no news is usually good news, but I still worry. Each time I see a new email from him I know he was ok up until the minute he wrote that email and that gives me a little jump forward to the day when he will be home. Tiny little baby steps of him safe, bit by bit he will be ok and then come home. It turns out that there was an underground earthquake somewhere that disrupted the Internet service. Who would think that an underground earthquake somewhere on the globe could cause me to hold my breath for days on end?
I am in Wisconsin, resting my leg mostly, my children are happy and entertained. It was a good thing to come. It keeps their minds off their Dad not being here for Christmas. Jonathon just left for a night of movies at my brother's house. Jeffrey is showing my other brother how to play a video game on the computer. Jennifer is working on a gingerbread house. I always make sure to tell them when I have heard from their dad and when I haven't. I fill them in on the news he tells me which is little. Today, James had a story about being in a meeting and a little mouse running up and down the curtains. Then, it suddenly jumped off and onto the table running off with a stolen nut. Jeffrey thought that was pretty funny. We couldn't figure out how he didn't laugh really hard and disrupt the meeting. Stories like that make it seem human, safe and yet real.
The children and I are working hard to make the best of a bad situation. We want more than anything that James were here. Since we can't have that, we want him safe and we want to have people around us who love us. We will spend Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas day the children and I will go to James' parents home to spend the day with them. s it ok? Are we ok? Are we used to it? The answers are, No, it isn't ok!, We are ok, and Heck no! We are not used to it! When you get the flu the second, third or fourth time is it ok? Are you going to be ok? Are you used to it? You are not ok, you know you will eventually be ok again but in no way are you used to it just because you had to endure it before.

Ya think so?!

2008-12-11T11:16:00.000-05:00

To set the stage you must know the characters. This stage is set with three main characters, my 16 year old son Jonathon, my 13 year old son Jeffrey and me, Dawn. I am having surgery Friday and Jeffrey who just finished antibiotics for strep didn’t seem totally well yet and Jonathon woke up with a cough that could wake the dead. I figured to be safe I should get both of them checked out so there were no surprises when I was drugged up on Percocet post surgery.

I took both boys for a strep throat swab at the local military health clinic. I normally try to schedule appointments so I can take them separate. I tell them it is so I can spend “special time” with each one. That is not totally the truth. Together they are both nuts and insane. What one doesn’t think of the other does and they encourage each other to carry it out. It is like walking around with a comedy routine that never ends. I had them all afternoon together. While not "bad" they make me look to the floor and put my hand to my forehead while everyone around me laughs and nods in understanding. They wake up the room and make people smile, both in sympathy for me and in just at the humor of youth.In the exam room:
The exam room is small it has the regular exam table, a computer and a hand washing area with drawers. On the wall are a few posters. One poster being of a giant uterus and vagina discussing menopause (this one was of great interest). Upon entering the room both boys instantly open drawers and cabinets checking out every medical thing in there. They check the rubber gloves, open the drawers and identify each item (we have gone through this since they were 2). Yes, they know what a speculum is and what it is used for. After the identification of the speculum and discussion of the menopause poster they each egg each other on about putting their feet up in the stirrups for an exam. A discussion from me then ensues about how a vagina should not be referred to as a “vag”!

Jeffrey my mechanical/electrical savant also pops off the cover on the computer, looking at what he could see inside which he states is “insanely dirty and dusty”. I secretly am glad he doesn't have a screwdriver because he would probably fix that problem if he had 10 more minutes of waiting. Jeffrey then discusses what kind of processor he thinks it has and how on earth it could get so dusty in a clinical setting! I ask him with the “look” and “mean mother voice” to please close the computer up before the nurse arrives!
Finally the Nurse Practitioner comes in the room (thank heavens I thought she would never arrive!). I have seen her at other appointments I have had in the past, she is good but very stiff. Middle aged of German descent in a white lab coat. Very stiff, doesn't work for my boys so they work on trying to get her to crack a smile. I asked her to verify that both their ears were clear and hearing wasn’t an issue for not listening. She verified that both were fine and that couldn’t be used as an excuse any longer.

After the whole process of the swabbing, chest listening and ear looking Jonathon has "questions". I beg him for no questions but the clinic medical staff, always say "no, we want to answer any questions he has". I give them the look of "you have no idea of what you are in for!". At the previous visit he asked “if you are on birth control pills do you still have to say the first day of your last period?” and “If you smoke marijuana is that considered taking an herbal supplement or is it considered smoking?”, he also told a nurse “I admire you for the wonderful job you do but I could never work with crying sick children!”. Basically, Jonathon will ask anything and give his opinion on it to.So this particular day Jonathon wants to know about donating bone marrow. He has a friend that has leukemia and he being the wonderful, kind, generous person he is wants to donate. The nurse practitioner doesn't know a thing about the age requirements for donating bone marrow. With that avenue of discussion closed Jonathon goes into questioning the rules on donating blood. He wants to know why I don’t donate blood. I tell him that when I was young, I was under the weight requirement and later I couldn't because I may have been exposed to Mad Cow disease in Germany in the 1980's. Jeffrey as usual had been sitting quietly listening, gathering information. Jeffrey then said in his ever so sweet voice "sooooo maybe you have mad cow mom?" I said "yes I could, maybe that would explain my flashes of insanity". Both the boys both nod in agreement now sure that they have finally discovered the reason for my erratic behavior. In the corner of the room, putting all the swabs in their respective test tubes the stiff nurse practitioner pipes up from her silence "Well, there may be some other factors in play in that". I just answered "ya think so!"

Jim's Explanation of Christmas in Afghanistan

2008-12-04T15:47:00.000-05:00

A family member asked about Christmas in Afghanistan, this is Jim's reply:

Sandy,

Regarding Christmas...the celebration of Christmas is not forbidden here. The Afghan Army officers that I work with are very accepting of our Christian traditions as we are of their Islamic traditions. They invite us to participate in their feasts, and we will invite them to participate in Christmas dinner with us. It is really an issue of being respectful of each others traditions and customs.

As a matter of fact, the Koran says (I have a book called "the Koran for Dummies :) that "Muslims should engage peaceful unbelievers with justice and kindness" (60:8). The Koran also calls for "dialogue between religions, cultures and civilizations regardless of faith in order to know one another, and by implication become close friends in mutual kindness" (16:125; 5:5, 49:13) Thus the Koran tells them that they should be accepting of other religions in order to promote mutual kindness.

Regarding Jesus, the Koran states that Jesus was a servant and prophet of God sent by God to the children of Israel. The Koran also opposes any belief about God that denies God's absolute unity as one deity...so, although they recognize Jesus as a prophet, and acknowledge the birth to the Virgin Mary, performance of miracles, and many other events found in the bible, the belief of a trinity is completely unacceptable to them. In other words...Jesus to them is an important guy, but not the son of God. So in their faith they do not celebrate the events of his life / death / resurrection.

That being said, on our little section of the base, we have Christmas decorations and such. We will take Christmas as a day off, and invite the officers of the Afghan National Army to partake of our Christmas meal. They will attend and be respectfully of our traditions. As far as celebration of Christmas among the local people, Southern Afghanistan is very fundamentalist (Islam) in their beliefs and I have not seen any Christians in the community. I would imagine that further north in Kabul however, there probably are communities of Christians. You must also understand that in the Pashtun areas of Afghanistan and Pakistan, the religion of Islam has also been mixed with what is called the code of the Pashtun or Pashtunwali. Pasthunwali is a code of conduct that is practiced by the Pashtun people that predates Islam and Christianity. When Islam came to the region, the customs of the religion were modified in order to accept and include the traditions of Pashtunwali...so even though the religion here is primarily Sunni Islam, the customs and traditions vary from what you would see as being practiced by Sunnis in Saudi Arabia...similar to how we as Christian have Catholic, Lutheran, Baptist, etc...all recognize Christ as the Son of God...but vary slightly in other ways. I hope this helps.

Very respectfully,

Jim

Thanksgiving AAR

2008-11-30T19:46:00.000-05:00

AAR? Well in the Army an AAR is an After Action Review. You go over an event/mission and figure out how it all went. How it all came out in the end. Did you have enough stuff? Do enough? Prepare enough? Did people like it? Did it work? What would you do differently next time? It is a really good tool to mentally do so you don’t get stuck in a rut doing the bad things over and over. If your event/mission was a great success you surely want to document how you did it so you or someone else can do it to!

My Thanksgiving AAR:
Food was amazing. The kids and I made a feast to be proud of. Jon made the pumpkin pie that was quite tasty. Jeffrey peeled the potatoes. He wasn’t feeling well so we didn’t want him around much food. Jen cut up carrots, celery and onion which we sautéed in olive oil then simmered in white wine to put in the dressing. I also used half wine when putting the water in the stuffing instead of all water or broth. The wine gave it a great flavor, definitely doing that again.

But quite honestly the turkey was the best ever. Best turkey I have ever eaten let alone made. I marinated it over night and Jen basted it every 15 minutes. Basically, Dijon mustard, soy sauce and fresh lemons was the concoction. We juiced the lemons and put the rinds inside the bird (Josephine we named her). It was very juicy, had beautiful color and the taste was something to behold. We will be doing that again!

So the feasting went well. We ate very well and enjoyed each others company. Jen spent the evening going through sales ads. That meant only one thing. She wanted to go shopping on Black Friday! I had something on my side though. She didn’t have an alarm clock to wake me before dawn. We did go out and shop though. We were really not out for bargain basement prices but really just mother daughter time out shopping. We did a little damage to the lists but it was more about eating the lunch than the gifts.

Saturday we decided to get the Christmas stuff out. That was me saying to the boys “hey, would you please bring up the Christmas bins!” I had to beg and plead and then Jen and I went out shopping again. There is a new Salvation Army store she was dying to check out. The boys were to start decorating. Do the basic stuff, put up the fake tree (since we plan to go to Wisconsin for Christmas), put up the stockings etc.

Jen shopped until my knee was causing shooting pains then we went home. The boys had done as asked. They put up the tree and put up the stockings. The stocking holders that are suppose to say SANTA had been rearranged to say SATAN instead. There is also the snowman incident where they took the white bulb out of the glowing snowman and put a red one in instead. Making the SATAN sign on the mantle along with the red eyed glowing snowman all part of our "holiday" decor.

AAR on the weekend: Do marinate the turkey! But don’t leave teenage boys around to do the decorating without supervision!

Being Thankful

2008-11-25T07:46:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving:
It is a time in our country when we are to sit back and give thanks. Give thanks for what we have, thanks for things that we don’t. I have recently had lots of things to be ungrateful for. Things I didn’t want/need/desire. I don’t like sitting in my Northern Virginia home planning my day of thanks without my husband. One of the days that you spend together as a family we are apart. That isn’t what I would choose. I am used to cooking for a dozen people. Inviting people over who have no other place to go. My mother always did that to. I grew up with the holidays filled with some stray coming to our home to celebrate with us. This year I am cooking for my three children and myself. I am grateful for that but yet it feels small in comparison some how.

I suggested to the children that we go out to dinner to one of those fancy buffet dinners. All the tasty goodness, with none of the cooking work. They didn’t like that idea at all. They looked at me with shocked and hurt eyes. Like they were not worthy of me cooking the giant meal. They are worthy but dang it is a lot of work!! I also need knee surgery so standing that long to cook would be painful. I looked down to my feet and thought a minute. I decided that I would cook the thanksgiving meal if they would help. So on Thursday, my teenage children and I will be cooking our meal together as a family team.

What am I thankful for? I am thankful for being an American citizen. I have met and befriended many people over the years who are not from my country. They come in hopes of fulfilling a dream. To study, to get a job in the field that they desire where in their home country it would be impossible. Some have stayed here in the USA are working, studying, following a dream. Many people have an American dream. No matter what the current idea is, USA is till a place where dreams can come true.

I am thankful for my family. I have three beautiful, smart children who are kind people. They care about others and will be a positive influence on society.

I am thankful for my husband. He is strong, determined and patriotic. He could have retired from the Army, he has over 22 years in already. He however saw that his country needed him and his skills to train the Afghan Army and he went. He had spinal surgery just weeks before he left home. Getting fit enough to go took grit and determination that few possess.

I am thankful for my friends and extended family. I am not very good at asking for help when I really do need it, but there are a special few who ignore my pleading of “I will be fine, don’t worry” and push me into accepting help. I hate to be needy, I hate to be weak. I am learning to feel stronger when I ask for help because strength doesn’t come from doing it alone but from having people who love you to help you with the load when it is heavy.

So although my life as of recently wouldn’t be one that most anyone would look at and think thanks are in order, I am thankful. I have what I need most, peace in my home, my family members safe for today, food, friends and a future full of more possibilities. Just because today isn’t all that I would dream of there are many more tomorrows to work on. So think of me and the three kids making pumpkin pie together, heaving the turkey into the oven and sitting down at the table giving thanks for all we have. Have a very Blessed Thanksgiving.

Common Sense, Where did it go??

2008-11-19T13:41:00.000-05:00

Frustration doesn’t even come close to the feeling I have about the economic crisis that is going on in our country. I don’t think it is going to kill the United States of America or anything like that. It is bad but not deadly. What is so frustrating to me is the lack of common sense that has seemed to take over businesses and the government.

Why in heaven’s name would you give money to banks that can’t even figure out who to loan money to. So you are giving money to people who basically give money away. Where is the logic in that? I guess it doesn’t “feel” as bad if it isn’t money out of your personal pocket but instead taxpayers. It probably doesn’t feel as bad if you make a ton of money, saved a ton of money and won’t feel the pinch when this hits the fan.

A business no matter how big or how small needs to always keep the bottom line in mind. That is what a business is in the end, a vehicle to make money. Funny I used the word vehicle. The US auto industries are also begging for money today. They fly into DC in their private jets to the tune of $20,000 a pop. Probably in expensive suits having eaten nice meals after begging for money. They need billions of dollars to help their business because they claim they can’t do it themselves. How do they know that?

How can they possibly know they can’t do it themselves? Have they tightened their belt, cut the wages on top? If you are not making money and need handouts you surely don’t deserve a big wage. Have you sold off the unnecessary things, hmmm like private jets?? Have you looked at your product and designed and marketed it to the public needs? The answer to all these questions is NO, no, no! They haven’t done this. They want to keep doing the wrong things and get free money to refigure the business instead of changing their current way of doing things. It gives them all the benefits of a positive change for their business, without the pain of changing bad business practices. Pointing out again to you that their way is failing, hence the need for the billions!

I heard about the FDIC or some other government organization is now securing gift cards. Gift Cards!!! I guess that companies can sell gift cards but they don’t actually secure that money anywhere. It is just put in their coffers to be used as they see fit. Hoping that a percentage of people won’t use them and they have free money. A company went out of business and there was a lot of money in unused gift cards outstanding. The people holding those cards were out all that money. Millions of dollars!

So to avoid this, the government has decided to back them. Wouldn’t common sense indicate instead, making the businesses keep that amount of money fluid on their books to cover the gift cards/money that was given to them? Why not make businesses maintain that money in a separate account, at least for a reasonable amount of time, 5 years maybe?

Who is watching the government yahoos that are handing out money like drinks of water? “You need a drink? Sure here is one for your!”

Where is the common sense in all this?? Where are the sane people, thinking about the bottom line in their jobs instead of only their home budget. Where are the people who think of the common good? I personally know many in the military, why are those type not running our businesses and our government? All you with common sense please step forward, your country needs you!

As I was driving away I opened the side window and yelled “just please be safe!”

2008-11-13T12:45:00.000-05:00

As I was driving away I opened the side window and yelled “just please be safe!”, and with that he was gone. It has been an emotional week. My husband drove from Fort Riley Kansas to bring his car home to Virginia. Jim, only had a few days, a weekend really. He was happy to be home but wasn’t really here if you know what I mean. He was already mentally in Afghanistan. He spent the few days he was here just going over everything he wanted everyone to know and do while he was gone. He wants us to remember him and remember the mission and its merits. Right now I don’t care about the mission or the ANA (Afghan National Army) or if they can get trained up to a 21st century military capable of securing their people. Ok, I do a little but I am more concerned with my husband’s safety.

While he was here we went to visit a few reporters. He felt it important that people were educated on the country of Afghanistan, on the mission, on the soldiers going there. He doesn’t do this for his own recognition but for everyone doing this job. It is a dangerous job, given to few, that the entire war depends on. The reporters were wonderful. They were interested in learning and in hearing his story, my story, the story of military families and even the story of the Afghanistan mission.

I got a call Saturday morning from each of my brother’s. Each wanting to tell me that my 95 yr old grandmother was ill and it didn’t look good. She was a tough bird but even tough birds at 95 are fragile. I sat in the meetings with the reporters holding my phone. Hoping it would ring and also hoping it wouldn’t. We made it through two meetings with no word.

We were on the metro leaving DC when my phone did ring (or rather vibrated). It was my brother. He said Gram was failing and failing fast. I could hear in the background machines and people talking. The phone went dead, we went into a tunnel. No signal… Came out of the tunnel and called again, more machine noise then none. That afternoon, while listening in on the phone my gram passed quietly away with family and love.

Jim put his hand on my shoulder (he was sitting behind me as the metro car was packed). He also later hugged me and told me he was sorry for my loss. I was glad he was there. So while preparing to say goodbye to Jim, I was simultaneously planning my drive back to Wisconsin for the funeral of my Grandmother. That was a tightrope time. I didn’t want Jim to think I wasn’t concentrating on his departure but I had things to do. He kept asking me why I wasn’t crying. I explained that “crying is a frivolity I can’t give in to right now, maybe next week”. I did cry a little, just those few tears that slip out when I had a moment break. There was no way I could just give in to that though. No time, no extra emotional energy to put toward grieving or saying goodbye.

As if that were not enough to flatten me, I cut up an apple to give to our pet guinea pig and found him dead in his cage. He hadn’t appeared ill or acted strangely at all. Jim sadly offered to bury him in the back garden. After that, we all packed, Jim packed up his few things he was taking with him, the boys and I packed for our trip to Wisconsin. It was not a happy packing time with anticipation of a holiday vacation. This was nothing like that at all.

Monday, the boys went to school and I took Jim to the airport. On our way out of the driveway our neighbor needed help jump starting her vehicle. We stopped and did that for her. Then we were off. We talked little on that drive to the airport. We both tried to sound normal, like he was off for a week or to a conference or training. It was false, we were both gutted inside. We kissed, said goodbye and even though I barely had air in my lungs I opened the side window and yelled.

The Eulogy I gave today for my Grandmother

2008-11-06T21:55:00.000-05:00

A Eulogy is supposed to surmise someone’s life. For my grandmother how can you do that in one small speech? She lived a long, full adventurous life. She was born when William Taft was president! Like All of us she had some fears, one was death, mostly because she didn’t want to miss any of the new things that the world was going to invent. Blessedly her passing was brief and peaceful. One we all hope for. She feared living in a nursing home, because of my mother that was a fear she never had to face either. I want to concentrate on the extensive list of things that in her long life amazed her.

Automobiles, Radio, TV, telephones, man walked on the moon, computers, IPod’s… The list is endless. She was born the year the Titanic sank. She saw 17 presidents and even voted for our new president before she died. To put it into perspective she was a young girl when women got the right to vote. She took the right to vote very seriously. I went to vote Tuesday before I drove here from Virginia. I figured if my now deceased 95 yr old grandmother could vote I sure as heck would go.

Ann Elizabeth was the oldest child of Peter and Elizabeth . She was born in Wisconsin. Her father was a farmer. She was an anticipated child. In my diggings I saw an old postcard from one relative to another that discussed the arrival of a beautiful round baby girl born to Peter and Elizabeth.

She is the older sister of Fronie and Norman. She talked of watching her father studying a blue book deciding Norman’s name. Watching the two sisters never grew old. They spoke German to each other if they didn’t want anyone to know what they were talking about. They called each other daily at 9am. Ann and Fronie were as connected as two sisters could be. It was a constant battle of who was right. Ann would say the worst thing about growing old was losing your sight, Fronie would counter with it was not being able to walk well. They were always there for each other through thick and thin. Seeing them, made me miss not having a sister of my own to share my life with.

She remembered going to the tavern in Nabob and seeing her first ever radio. The men were passing around a large headset listening to the Dempsey vs. Tunney fight. She saw the movie Snow White at a medicine show that came through the area. Transportation by horse and sleigh in the winter. Christmas lights that were candles. Running outside to see a bi-wing plane that happened to go by. She wasn’t any less impressed and amazed at the gps my mother bought or when my children showed her an IPod. Technology also got her busted not long ago. For safety reasons we all asked her to stay in the house and not do stairs; if no one was home. She swore up and down she abided by that. Well, one day David went on Google maps and looked up the home address; and there plain as day is a picture of her walking towards the trash cans to remove them from the street, she still swears, not’s not her, must be someone that looks like me!

Ann Holz was taking care of her grandmother when a young man was doing some work next door. She was interested. He was slightly younger but she didn’t care. She set her eye and married him. Ann and John Lubner got married Nov. 25, 1939. It was the time of FDR and WWII. Ann and John had two children, a son Lyle and a daughter Arlene.
Ann always worked; her work ethic was second to none. She worked during WWII making pants for the Army. When I was growing up she worked at Doerr electric winding motors. She literally wound wire into motors 5 days a week. The work was really secondary to the friends she had there. It was really all about crochet patterns, recipes for sweets and catching up on the news of the community.

When Ann “retired” she starting working as a home health aide. She took care of inbound patients. She volunteered in the church kitchen for funerals making countless cakes and so many pound s of German potato salad I can’t even begin to quantify the amount.
Ann was always busy. She thrived on activity. she stayed out until 10:30 pm every Thursday, she loved to play cards and felt blessed by her card friends who over the years picked her up and took her along to play, Her last card club date was Thursday where she very proudly came home and told everyone she won 45 cents. She was now finally a rich woman. She loved to crochet and do ceramics. Cynthia Brehm, her neighbor was always there to take her to ceramic classes, shopping, and help her figure out a new crochet pattern. Putting eyes in a ceramic fox or taking her to senior citizens. (Thank you, Mrs. Brehm and all those that helped her continue to do the things she enjoyed )

Ann loved to travel, to see new places. Don’t look for many pictures of these adventures however. Grandma had a rare talent in photography; she could behead any human, donkey or camel with a click. My grandmother loved to go on family trips. We would stop at a campground and before the camper was set up she would know more details about every resident of the campground than their mothers. She had a way with people. She loved going to the senior citizens center, she got to see friends and get the news of the town. She was a compassionate listener and would help anyone she could. When Lisa and Chuck lived in the house behind, their dog Tucker and our dog Blazer just didn’t get along. Grandma one day after a dog brawl told Chuck that she just didn’t understand it, they both loved her why didn’t they like each other?
On one of her trips she came to Germany to see me around the time I was due to give birth. And as only God could arrange it. She was there in Germany on her birthday, which then became the birthday of my daughter Jennifer. To top that off, it’s also the day the Berlin wall fell. So on her birthday, in Germany she got a new great granddaughter and was witness to the fall of the Berlin wall.

As a grandmother you could have not asked for more. She played catch with the boys, and baked cakes and cookies with the girls. She knew what each family member’s favorite sweet treat was. Most liked chocolate chip cookies but my favorite were the peanut butter ones. She made poppy seed cake for Lyle on and on. Growing up she was everyone’s grandmother. All the children in the neighborhood called her grandma. For many years I just thought that was her name. Her great grandchildren will miss her to. She made sure that a trip to Wayne’s restaurant was on the agenda. You can’t come to Wisconsin and not get a real burger and maltshake at the drive in was her motto.

When her husband died so many years ago they put her name and 19 on their shared head stone. She outlived that by a number of years. It will have to be changed to 2008. We will all miss her; she leaves behind a sister, a son, a daughter, 6 grandchildren, 10 great grandchildren, nieces, nephews, family and friends. When you live almost 96 years you leave a mark on the world. If you wish to honor her, keep family close if not in person in heart. Have fun, look at the world with amazement and continue to find things you feel passionately about. Express yourself, hug tightly with meaning and know that growing old of body doesn’t have to mean growing old of heart or mind.

I think I need to apologize!

2008-10-30T08:51:00.000-04:00

I was in bed last night and started to think about my new physical therapist. I have gone now two times and I really think I haven't been totally nice to her and her assistant. I haven't been rude or anything but maybe a bit defensive. I am a nice person, she is helping me, why have I acted like that? I just going on and on about what I have done, how I do the exercises. She wasn't questioning me, she didn't assume I hadn't done them. So why was I so defensive??

Relaxing in my bed I think I figured it out. In the military medical system you rarely see the same person twice. If you do they never ever remember you. Well, no one has ever remembered me ever in 22 years. No one has ever just believed me when I spoke. Women are assumed hormonal and needing attention. If you have a problem they give you Motrin and are told to come back if it doesn't get better. Probably most people don't come back. Is it because they are indeed better from the massive amounts of Motrin or do they live with the problem because no one listens?

So if you seek medical help and you see someone you have never seen before, you are made to feel like you are hormonal, complaining for little reason and maybe just a little crazy, you get defensive. I have two knees and a shoulder in pain. One knee is getting treatment, (the one that has a big visible cyst that couldn't be ignored), the other that hurts with no outward sign is ignored, the shoulder with bursitis pain is pushed off "let me know if it still hurts when you come back" (that started 4 yrs ago!).

So to my new physical therapist, Thank you! You believe me, you remembered me when I came for my second visit. You told me you were glad to see me next week. I am grateful you believe me when I tell you I have done the exercises and don't assume I am lying or hormonal or crazy.

Teen boys and waking up!

2008-10-29T08:32:00.000-04:00

"I didn't not wake up, I woke up, turned off my alarm and went back to sleep". This is the explanation that I get at least once a week. They honestly think that some how turning off the alarm counts as getting up on time.

The high schooler has to get up insanely early. He is up at 5:00 or 5:30 depending on what he wants to do in the morning. The bus comes at ~6:25 am. When my husband was here he was his alarm clock. He would wake him up, cook him breakfast. Jon loved that, he felt so loved and cared for by Jim. Jon really misses his morning eggs and daddy love. Even at 16 you can't get too much of that. So now that Jim is gone he has to do it himself, drag his butt out of bed and make his own breakfast. He has figured out that he doesn't get up to one alarm. He has to have two, one next to the bed and another that is across the room. He has to actually get out of bed to turn it off. That does the trick most days (but not all).

The middle schooler. He has always been an early riser but heaven almighty the beginnings of puberty seem to have made him sleepy. All that growing going on or something. He is the one lately that just doesn't get up. He is so lucky because his friend comes every morning to stow his bike in the garage and wait at the bus with him. Jeff is quick getting up when his friend knocks on the door. Jeff eats his bowl of instant oatmeal, throws on some clean but wrinkled clothes, makes his own lunch and is out the door. He likes to get up early so he can watch cartoons. Being 13, right in the middle of man and boy.

I wake up in the morning and try to wake them but that measure is not well received. Something about mom waking you is bad?! So I lay in my bed and listen. I listen to hear Jon get up and take a shower. I listen to hear Jeff's music. When I don't hear it when I think I should hear it, I do pound on their bedroom door but that goes over like a lead balloon. Better to let the non human alarm clock do the dirty work. With Jeff if I tell him his friend is at the door he will then bound out of bed and get ready. So with him that is my current tactic.

They both have missed the bus before. It happens, it comes early or whatever. I understand, mostly. I drive them to school and make them do a chore when they get home. I also make them go to bed earlier. The target bedtime is 10 pm. Which is fine as long as they get up on time, they don't, I bug them until they submit to going to bed earlier. Making a teen actually do anything they refuse to do is mute. Better to make it easier for them to do it than not.

Oh, last week Jeff's bus didn't come. Just not at all. I ended up driving him to school myself. He was a bit disappointed when he found out that if the bus doesn't come you get an excused absence. So he went and he didn't need to. To me he said he was glad he did but I know ;)

So if you have younger children invest in alarm clocks and teach them to wake up to one. You might want to put it on the otherside of the room ;)

Introductions

2008-10-28T09:22:00.000-04:00

I sat here for quite some time trying to think about what I should write about. I hate introductions. I hate that first meeting no matter who it is. The first appointment with a Dr., meeting a new neighbor, even the girl at the cash register. I always get a little nervous the first time. Ok, sometimes a lot like at the Dr's office. So I will just jump in here and start.

My name is Dawn and I have spent my entire adult life as an Armywife. Yes, there is more to me than that but the Army has a way of taking over most things. I have three children. My daughter is in college, and I have two sons. One is in high school and the other in middle school. My Army husband is on the verge of a deployment to Afghanistan. He is finishing his training this week and preparing for the big flight.

We currently live in Northern Virginia but have lived in lots of other places. Germany, Georgia, California, Louisiana, Washington state and my home state is Wisconsin. I am a midwestern girl at heart. I drink from a bubbler and a water fountain is a pretty thing to look at in the landscaping.

The title of my blog, comes from the movie The Princess Bride . It is my favorite movie of all times. I often feel like the eels are coming to get me, but I (at least so far) have escaped them.

What else about me??? Well, if anyone reads this you will figure out my brain tends to flit around often. From one thing to the next with no warning.

We have pets! We have a guinea pig named Pumba. We adopted him when one of my daughter's friends went to college. We have a turtle named Fred Frank Yoda (or something like that I never can keep it straight). We have a tank of fish that never seem to die. They have been around for 4 years and counting. The top of the pet ladder is Spot the orange and white cat. He is often found sitting on my lap while I am on the computer.

More later.......